Darkwing Duck - High Wave Robbery (Cassette & Storybook)

Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know. I've been gone for a llllllllllloooooooonnnnnnggggggg time. 

But don't blame me! If anything, you should blame love... and whiskey... and Mai Tais...

Anywhoo, now that that's all over, I can finally get back to what really matters in my life — pants baskets! Uhhh... I mean BLOGGING!!

Today's magical blog of magicalness is the Darkwing Duck cassette and storybook, High Wave Robbery!

As you can see from the super groovy cover, this is an action packed thrill ride with motorcycles and fire and smoke and crazy-eyed Launchpads!

Well actually, it's just an episode of Darkwing Duck that wasn't good enough to actually be animated.

Also, I don't remember having FREE TRADING CARDS INSIDE... I feel gypped.

I enjoy this thing a whole heck of a lot. I can't even count how many times I've listened to this tape in my life. As a kid, I was OBSESSED with this thing. And to be perfectly honest, I still am.

The story concerns an evil supervillian named Frequencia who uses crazy loud sounds, or frequencies (GENIUS), to put people into a daze, and rob them while they are stuck in said daze. Darkwing Duck, of course, comes to save the day and... well, he saves the day. What else would he do?

It's a pretty awesome story.

Also, there's lots of puns. Like the names "Mrs. Rockefeather" and "Mooselangelo".

God, I love animal related puns.

Frequencia is a pretty cool lookin' supervillian too, if you ask me. I would've loved to see her in animated action, robbing people at movie premieres and art galleries! Dangit, Disney! Just start the Disney Afternoon all over again! I promise I'll pretend like the last 19 years of Disney Afternoon withdrawal never happened!

This episode ends with a BLORT — one of my favorite onomatopoeias. 

Yep. I sure do love BLORTs.

The voice acting on this story is obviously super awesome, as it includes all of the original cast from the TV show — Jim Cummings, Terrance McGovern, and Christine Cavanaugh.

The narration is great too... God, I wish I sounded as cool as William Woodson! I mean, he was the narrator for the All-New Super Friends Hour!!

Also, he dubbed someone in Brian De Palma's Bonfire of the Vanities, not that that matters, or anything... even though Brian De Palma has recently become my second favorite director of all time... but that's for another post altogether.

Let's just say that I've watched Body Double 16 times in the past four months, and leave it at that... at least for now...

Oh boy.

ANYWAYS, you can download the Darkwing Duck cassette and storybook of High Wave Robbery HERE!

And, as always, you can CLICK on the photo(s) to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC™ PHOTO EMBIGGENER®!!

Enjoy!

Movie #92 - Chéz-Zam!

Today I'm going to share with you a videotape that makes me very happy.

The videotape is called Chéz-Zam, and it is by far, the greatest thing to have ever happened... EVER.

I case you couldn't tell by that beautifully creepy cover up there, Chéz-Zam is an entertainment/party group that is some crazy messed up mixture of Cirque du Soliel, CATS, Studio 54, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and 89 hits of acid... and a whole buttload of cocaine.

Why am I even trying to explain this to you with mere words?

Take 13 minutes out your day and check out the entire Chéz-Zam promotional videotape below, and find out what Chéz-Zam is really all about –

Freakin' Alan Alda.

I'm not entirely sure there's anything more that I can say – it's just perfect.

Also, I'm about 78% sure this is Clemmy from RENO! 911.

If you can believe it, these Chéz-Zam folks are still around... and if someone doesn't hire them for my next birthday party, I'll be thoroughly disappointed.

Hollywood Walk of Fame Trading Cards (Part 3 of 4)

Today's object of interest to me and one other person in the universe is PART THREE of the fantasmagorical Hollywood Trading Cards!

Today's card is the one, the only, J.R. Ewing aka Larry Hagman!

Okay, I can't lie. I don't own this trading card anymore. I gave it to my super cool friend Jennifer, who is the world's biggest Dallas fan.

Anyways, this guy is Larry Hagman. If you don't know who he is, then... well, I really don't know what to say. This guy has worked non-stop since the late 1950s! Of course, you should recognize him from I Dream of Jeannie or Dallas.

He was also in a great (and by great, I mean terrible yet entertaining) TV movie called Sarah T. - Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic, starring Linda Blair, William Daniels, and Luke Skywalker himself -- Mark Hamill.

Oh, and he was on The Rockford Files once. This immediately makes him a god.

Not too many people know this, but he also did some directing! He directed a bunch of episodes of Dallas, I Dream of Jeannie, and In the Heat of the Night, as well as one feature length film! That one film he directed is Beware! The Blob, the insane 1972 horror-comedy sequel to the classic Steve McQueen horror film, The Blob!

It's a strangely hilarious movie. The cast includes a lot of great actors from the 1970s including Dick Van Patten, Cindy Williams, Del Close, Carol Lynley, Bud Cort, Sid Haig, and the Penguin himself, Burgess Meredith! I highly recommend watching it. It is a laugh and a three quarters.

Check out the trailer for Beware! The Blob below!!

Oh yeah, and it also includes a cameo by Christian rock pioneer Larry Norman.

WWWWEEEEIIIIIRRRRRDDDDD. 

Anyways, this Larry Hagman guy is super cool. He's still working, too! In fact, he's playing J.R. Ewing again on the new version of Dallas!!

What a cool dude.

Also, if anyone can tell me what the question is on card #151, I'll give them 1,000,000 internet pixel-dollars.

Hollywood Walk of Fame Trading Cards (Part 2 of 4)

Today is part TWO of the Hollywood Walk of Fame Trading Cards that I totally forgot I started blogging about 3 months ago.

Today's card is for the late, great Ernest Borgnine!

Well, last week Ernest Borgnine died. I was in Florida. I got really sad. I like Ernest Borgnine a lot. A whole heck of a bunch of liking the Borg. 

So, because I was away from my massive DVD collection, I went onto Netflix and watched Bunny O'Hare, which is a fun American International Pictures obscurity that stars him and Bette Davis. In the film, the two of them dress up like hippies and rob banks to send money to Bette Davis' deadbeat kids (one of whom is played by John Astin), all the while being chased by an incompetent police lieutenant played by the awesome Jack Cassidy. Everyone with Netflix should definitely check it out.

Ernest Borgnine was a fun actor. Some of my favorite films from the 50s-70s include great performances by him, including Marty (which he won an Oscar for), The Legend of Lylah Clare, The Dirty Dozen, The Oscar, From Here to Eternity, The Poseidon Adventure, Johnny Guitar, Willard, and The Devil's Rain.

He was also in a not-too-great (but stupidly fun) movie Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders, which was later riffed on a insanely great episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

As for the photo on the card, it's him in character from his hilarious TV show McHale's Navy, which he starred in with Tim Conway and Joe Flynn. Other than McHale, probably his most famous character he played was as Mermaid Man on Spongebob Squarepants, where his sidekick Barnacle Boy was played by his McHale's Navy co-star Tim Conway.

Something you should check out, if you're a fan of the Borg (as I like to call him), is a cool road trip documentary made with his son Cris, called Ernest Borgnine on the Bus. It's super fun!

Enjoy!

The William Castle Memorabilia (Part 3)

And now, a message from the director of The Tingler, Mr. William Castle.

Today's post, which is presented in TEXT-O, is the exhibitor's instruction manual for the PERCEPTO gimmick for William Castle's classic film The Tingler!

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT!

Well, luckily I have this PERCEPTO manual, and now I will forever know how to "do it".

So, in The Tingler, Vincent Price is this semi-evil doctor whose main goal in life is to prove that a creepy lobster-like creature grows in your spine when you are scared. And of course, he calls this spine tingling crustaceany thing The Tingler!

INTERESTING FACT -- The Tingler is the first film to show the movie-fied effects of the psychedelic drug LSD in a scene where Vincent Price freaks out on acid. 

WANNA SEE?!? OF COURSE YOU DO!!

When they originally showed the film in theaters, the great William Castle came up with an almost completely insane (and hilarious) gimmick -- during a scene where The Tingler gets loose in the theater, the theater owners would SHOCK certain seats with a joy buzzer type contraption which he entitled PERCEPTO! Genius. I can only hope that one day I can be PERCEPTO'd.

As you can see, this manual was sent to all the theater owners by Columbia Pictures to show them how to hook up these crazy things to the seats. They were apparently powered by car batteries, and controlled from the projection booth. They were cued by a moment where the screen goes black and Vincent Price yells...

"THE TINGLER IS LOOSE IN THE THEATER! 

EVERYBODY, SCREAM! SCREAM FOR YOUR LIVES!"

There was another part to the gimmick as well. The theater would hire a couple of girls to scream and freak out, running around the theater and fainting during the "SCREAM FOR YOUR LIVES!!" scene. They would then be dragged out on a stretcher by a couple of ushers, while the audience freaks out, or laughs at them for being stupidly scared.

GAH! I WANT TO SEE THIS IN A THEATER IN 1959! GIVE ME A DANG TIME MACHINE, YOU LAZY SCIENTIST JERKS!

You can download the PERCEPTO manual for The Tingler HERE!!

Oh, and if you're looking for an early Christmas gift for me, well you can just go buy me a Tingler.

Enjoy! And don't forget to SCREAM!! SCREAM FOR YOUR LIVES!!

Book #8691 - Blackbeard's Ghost Comic Book

Today's thing of interest to nobody else but me is the comic book novelization of my favorite late 60s weird-ass Disney film, Blackbeard's Ghost!

Magical, isn't it?

Well anyways, since I've talked wayyyyyy too much about this movie before, I won't go into the whole detail of the synopsis of the film again, so we'll talk about this crazy comic book!

For some reason, the comic book starts off with a scene that takes place about 15 minutes into the film and then flashbacks to the beginning. Confusarama!

Also, why does Dean Jones' cartoon character version look nothing like him, and exactly like Generic White Guy #993842?

So, the story continues and there's some great panels that show people narrating while something confusing is happening to them -- like this motorcycle cop who is being attacked by the drunken ghost of Blackbeard.

Help! I forgot to take my anti-psychotic medication

and now I can't stop narrating!

Then, randomly a couple pages later, there is a 3 page break in the story for some odd pieces of confusingness that have nothing to do with anything regarding Blackbeard's Ghost! My favorite of these things, though, is this page entitled Jest for Fun, featuring a happy picture of a an overpopulated barrel of monkeys and a bunch of 2-3 line jokes that apparently weren't good enough for a popsicle stick.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program...

So then we are thrown violently back into the story and into a crazy race where Blackbeard is screwing around with everything and helping Godolphin win so that an illegal bet that was made can be collected to help fund an old ladies' hotel. Yippee!! 

Soooooo, they win the race and the guy who runs the illegal gambling parlor who took the illegal bet on the illegal race from the illegal ghost of Blackbeard decides to not pay them their money... which is illegal! 

So the illegal ghost of Blackbeard and Dean Jones and Suzanne Pleshette rush over to the illegal gambling hall and attempt to get their illegal winnings from the illegal Silky Seymour!

And in all the illegal hubbub, this happens...

Hallelujah.

This is my favorite comic book panel of all time. Just pure genius.

So anyways, as you can guess, everything happens in favor of the ghost of Blackbeard and Dean Jones and Godolphin college and the old ladies' hotel thing, so we have our patented Disney happy ending.

Oh, and then we top it all off with this frightening advertisement for Golden Magazine.

Is Cracky on crack? Tune in next week to find out!

You can download the Blackbeard's Ghost comic book HERE!

Arrrrrrr!

Hollywood Walk of Fame Trading Cards (Part 1 of 4)

Today's grooviness is the collection of random group of Hollywood Walk of Fame Trading Cards that I own for some reason.

Today's card is the always ridiculously entertaining Jerry Lewis!

Ewww that is one bad picture they used on this one. And the back one isn't so great either. Meh.

I'm still confused as to who thought it was a good idea to make trading cards out of Hollywood celebrities. Then again, I don't understand trading cards in general. There is a lot of useless information on this card of Mr. Lewis, but then again, the basic purpose of trading cards is to share this kind of stuff with people who don't care in a quick and portable way.

Also, WHAT'S THE QUESTION ON CARD #196?! I MUST KNOW!!


Enjoy, I suppose.

Record #81 - Shirley, Squirrely & Melvin: "LIVE"

What would life be without crappy ripoffs of crappy novelty groups? 

Nothing, thats what. And, well, today's record is one of those.

Today's record is a ridiculous ripoff of the already tremendously terrible Alvin & the Chipmunks, by the group Shirley, Squirrely & Melvin and their album "LIVE", although I highly doubt that it's an actual "LIVE" recording.

I wonder if the people who made this really thought they'd get away with such a blatant ripoff. Dave Seville should sue these guys.

Alright, so yeah. Those Alvin & the Chipmunks people were making a lot of money off of albums like Chipmunk Punk and the like, so a bunch of people started making these weird "high-pitched animals singing pop songs" records. I guess these people didn't think twice about the inevitable comparisons between squirrels and chipmunks.

Even the Simpsons made fun of this whole "Rodent Invasion".

Hey, look! Spinal Tap!

Anywhoo, let's talk about this album. 

It really spoke to me.

It told me "WE CAN MAKE YOU HATE A BUDDY HOLLY SONG".

On that note, let's begin our track by track journey through this mess and try to make some sense out of this ridiculousness.

1) Introduction - Fake crowd noises and someone saying the group's name. So far this is my favorite track on the album.

2) Back in the USA - Our first real song is a Chuck Berry song. One of these squirrels implores us to "COME ON AND CLAP YOUR HANDS". Sorry, but no. I refuse to put my hands together to make such a noise.

3) It's So Easy - Ah, the aforementioned Buddy Holly song. This just makes me sad. If they really wanted to do "ONE FOR BUDDAY!", then they should have done him the favor of leaving it alone. Now whenever I hear the supremely superior original version, this crappy one will pop into my head. Ugh. Don't listen to this version unless you want your heart to cry.

4) The Gambler (feat. Denny Richards) - Okay, this one is just ludicrous. LUDICROUS, I SAY! This cover of the classic song features the alternate Hell-on-Earth-Universe version of Kenny Rogers -- Denny Richards. Now, are they REALLY trying to make us think that Denny Richards is a real person? I'm not convinced. Also, should squirrels be singing songs about drinking and gambling? Can these squirrels even wrap their tiny little brains around the importance of this song? Am I looking too much into this?

5) Mercedes Benz - This is a Janis Joplin song. It is an a capella song. Now, I don't really like Janis Joplin all that much, but still. Come on. These people are on a mission to ruin every single song from the past 60 years with high-pitched squirrels, and by golly, they're gonna do it.

6) Boulevard - Okay, here's a Jackson Browne song. I hate it. You hate it. We all hate it. Let's all hate it some more by making squirrels sing it. Whee!

7) Soul Man - This song makes me wish I didn't have a soul.

8) Blue Suede Shoes - Why? Because Elvis sounds SO MUCH BETTER when you up the pitch 3 and a half notches.

9) I Like Reggae Too - Ugh. I don't. 

10) Get Back - Oh yeah. Because we haven't ruined everything good in the world yet, let's ruin the Beatles. Yippee!

11) Love Lives On - Finally. The end. And, unsurprisingly, another crappy crappiness of craptoscity. Almost as bad as Ron Cey.

Thanks a lot, Canada, for ruining everything good in music. Again. Was ANVIL not enough!?

I'm kidding, of course. Anvil rules.

Shirley, Squirrely & Melvin on the other hand... Blech.

Download this idiocy HERE.

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 16 of 16)

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the end... this is the end of the Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Comics.

We've been through a lot together, and I don't know about you, but I've learned a lot. I've learned that 2 seconds of chicken screams are perfect nightmare fuel. I've learned how to cheat at basketball. I've learned that puppies are perfect tools for closing overstuffed suitcases. I've learned that finding oil is "durned bad luck". Most importantly though, I've learned what to say when I'm stuck in the car wash and having a psychotic episode/stroke.

Today, though, the learning ends. And what better way to close out this collegiate experience than with a Wacky Races slide comic? 

THERE IS NO BETTER WAY.

So, it comes to this. Our final Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Comic is from the files of Wacky Races and is entitled "Bridge Out".

In the first panel we see our old psychotic friend Penelope Pitstop, the evil Dick Dastardly, and those spooky Munster-like people coming to a closed road because of a downed bridge. They seem very disappointed about this as evidenced by their exclamation of "WELL THAT ENDS THE RACE".

That one Munster-y/Addams Familyish guy wants to know where could they "SCARE UP A BRIDGE". 

HA. I get it.

Then, some Paul Bunyan guy in a wooden car with his pet Beaver come plowing through shouting through his teeth...

"MAKE WAY FOR THE BUZZ WAGON"

Paul Bunyan then plows through a bunch of green pine trees (and one blue one), knocking them over, and chopping them up, destroying entire ecosystems in a few short blows.

Apparently he seems to have constructed a bridge out of trees that used to be bird and chipmunk houses, and some professor in his (or her) helicopter car thingy takes it away.

The ever-smiling Paul Bunyany man and his Beaver are left behind to "CATCH UP" as everybody else Wacky Races along across the freshly laid bridge.

Aaaaaaand scene. Bow, hold for applause.

Thank you, and good night.

And good riddance to you stupid, dumb, evil, Satanic, poopy, and just plain idiotic Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Comics!!

CLICK on the photo(s) to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC PHOTO EMBIGGENER®!!

The end.

For now...

Article #1968 - The SKIDOO Program

Today's magicalness is the movie program from the classic Otto Preminger film travesty Skidoo.

Skidoo has gone down in history as being one of the greatest bad movies of all time. It's hard to believe that such a weirdly terrible movie can exist, considering the cast and crew of the Otto Preminger film Skidoodaly-doodoodoooooo. 

Sorry. I went insane there for a second.

The film stars Jackie Gleason, Carol Channing, Frankie Avalon, Cesar Romero, Burgess Meredith, Frank Gorshin, Peter Lawford, Mickey Rooney, George Raft, John Phillip Law, Richard "Eegah!" Kiel, and Groucho Marx as a mob boss named GOD. It also features a groovy soundtrack by Harry Nilsson. Now, considering all that talent, especially almost all of the 60s Batman villains, you would expect a pretty great film, right? 

Well, sorry, but no.

You see, this is what happens when you hire old people to make a film about LSD.

Apparently though, Groucho Marx did drop some acid with Timothy Leary in preparation for his role in the film, which is kind of weird. I would love to be there and see what kind of quips he came up with while tripping. Must've been one hilarious party.

The movie is essentially one gigantic train wreck. Scene after scene, and line after line, it just keeps going and going and getting weirder and weirder. Right when you think it can't get any stranger, it laughs in your face and says "LOOK AT THIS AND DEAL WITH IT" and, well, you just can't look away.

Especially when Jackie Gleason trips on acid.

It is quite possibly the greatest scene in the history of film as we know it.

So here we come to the end, and I present to you the movie program from the film Skidoo and its run at the Alhambra theater in San Francisco. And it is pretty awesome, if I do say so my self. (And I do)

Enjoy! And anybody who don't like that, daddy, don't like chicken on Sunday!

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 15 of 16)

We are ONE comic away from being done with these things, so be excited.

DO IT.

BE EXCITED, DANG IT!!

Okay, well since you're obviously not going to be excited we'll just get on with the program.

Today's fantastical comic stars the Wacky Racer Penelope Pitstop in the sad story "Soggy Setback".

So, Penelope and those 3 little tiny mobster guys are driving along and decide to stop at some random car wash in the middle of nowhere.

Hmm… seems legit.

As soon as they drive in, some weird purple guy wearing a mask and purple cape and hat slams the door, locking them in!

He turns on the faucet and laughs very Nelson-ish.

"GOODBYE, PESTS! HAW HAW!"

In the next panel, we see the four roadsters up to their legs in water.

Now here's where the story gets weird.

As the water is filling up the car wash, Penelope goes hysterical and says 5 words that make NO SENSE AT ALL --

"QUICK POCKETS CHUGGABOOMS

UNDERWATER ATTACHMENT"

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!?! Did she have a stroke?! 

I HAVE NEVER BEEN AS CONFUSED AS I AM RIGHT NOW.

Oh God, I don't even know if I can finish this...

I just have so many questions…

Okay, okay. I can do this. I can do this. Breathe, Jeremy. Breathe.

*Phew*

Well, after having some sort of demon possessed moment, Penelope hits the gas and KRAKs right through the door and over the weird purple guy.

As Penelope and the three mobster dudes drive away, the weird purple guy sits there and laments that "THE CLAW'S PLAN IS ALL WASHED UP!". Oh. I guess the weird purple guy's name is THE CLAW. Just erase the name "weird purple guy" up there and replace it with THE CLAW. That'll work. I'm too lazy to fix it. Blah.

CLICK on the photo(s) to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC PHOTO EMBIGGENER®.

Now, pass the Excedrin. My brain hurts. And I'm sure Penelope's does too.

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 14 of 16)

Since this is my 50th post, I'm feeling kind of lazy, so I'm going to do the bare minimum.

Hold onto your hats.

This is a comic. It has Mighty Mouse. It is called "Magnetic Personality". Oh, the fun.

Some mice are going to a picnic in a helicopter. Why? I don't know, and frankly, I don't want to know.

Some cat has a magnet and talks to himself.

Lightningy magnetism strikes the helicopter.

HUMMMMM

The cat uses the magnet to make the helicopter "COME TO PAPA".

I don't know how he knows evil is happening, but out of the blue (well, actually out of the green) Mighty Mouse comes to save the day by SNATCHing the magnet from the cat. 

The cat runs away and then WHOOSH, Mighty Mouse throws the magnet at the cat.

The magnet knocks the cat on the ground and pins him to the ground while stars and what appears to be a sparkler bounce on his brain barrier (his head).

The end.

Now, let's all join in a silent prayer to thank the sweet Lloyd that there are only 2 more of these crapfests left.

CLICK on the photo(s) to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC PHOTO EMBIGGENER®. 

Or don't. Whatever.

Don't enjoy this one.

Record #4569 - Aerobics USA

Today's record is the astronomically awesome Aerobics USA!

Aerobics USA is, in fact, created by Georgiana Liccione Stewart -- the same genius who brought us Disco For Kids. Remember how groovalicious Disco For Kids was?? Well, Aerobics USA is just about 2/3rds as awesome as that.

Unfortunately, Aerobics USA doesn't include not-disco-but-categorically-described-as-disco disco music. It does, however, include generic cover versions of generic 1980s pop-rock hits!

These hits include --

     • Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days", "Born to Run" and "Born in the USA"!

     • Phil Collins' "Separate Lives"!

     • David Bowie and Mick Jagger's "Dancing in the Streets"!

     • Giorgio Moroder's (WHO?!?) "Reach Out"!

and last, but certainly not least...

     • The Army's lousy commercial theme song "Be All That You Can Be"!

As you can plainly see, this is a great album. It's chock full of classic music, an overdose of Springsteen, creepy narration (CLAP!), and…

DANCE MOVES, CHARLIE!!

YES!!

I have never seen a more rigorous workout than that, and as far as I know, I never will.

This record, which also includes the instrumental versions on the flip side, is a sure fire way to keep in shape AND listen to popular music at the same time!

Keep rockin' your body!! YEAH!!

Download your Aerobics USA workout HERE.

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 13 of 16)

 Okay. Here we go again. SLIDE COMICS. Oh come on, you know you love it.

Today's Give-a-Show stars those crazy carnivores Motormouse & Autocat in the profound potboiler "Oops!"

Autocat's NEW RADAR SUCTION HARPOOON IS READY! Yes! Finally! I mean, the 1970 model was great, but dang, this 1971 model sure is far out!

BEEP

Motormouse speeds on by on some sort of motorbikecycle!

ZZZT!

Then, Autocat who kind of resembles Heathcliff, sets his suction harpoon to retrieve anything on a motorcycle. YES! Finally, some action in these things.

KaBLOOEY

The suction harpoon explodes and flies across apartment buildings… and my favorite restaurant -- EAT!!

Looks like Autocat's caught something! He reeeeeeeels it in!

CRANK CRANK

"Oops!".

HEY!! THAT'S WHERE THE TITLE CAME FROM!! NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!! (No it doesn't)

BEEP (again)

Oh, hilarity ensued and Autocat has harpooned a police bike. HA.

As Autocat is hauled away to jail in a paddywagon, Motormouse ZOW's by just to taunt him.

So as we all can see, the exploits of Motormouse & Autocat are just a step below (or above, your pick) Tom & Jerry.

The end.

Article #32127 - The Darkwing Duck Scripts (Part 4 of 4)

Well, here we are at the end of the Darkwing Duck script collection. Lucky for you, though, we have barely even scratched the surface of my Darkwing Duck collection! Oh yes.

Today's script is for one of the best episodes of the entire series, "The Darkwing Squad". In this episode, J. Gander Hooter decides that Darkwing needs to train S.H.U.S.H.'s best (aka nerdiest) agents to be more like the daringly dashing Darkwing. Of course, Gryzlikoff hates this idea, but if we let him be the boss of this whole operation, then we wouldn't have this episode, which would lead to not having this script, which would lead to not having this blog entry!

*GASP*

Thank God Gryzlikoff isn't in charge.

For the rest of the episode, while Darkwing trains the bumbling agents, the evil supervillian Steelbeak takes advantage of Gryzlikoff's anger at the situation to recruit him to F.O.W.L. for his prolific plot against humanity! Of course, then it's The Darkwing Squad to the rescue!

Oh, by the way, The Darkwing Squad contains Darkwing Donkey, Darkwing Dog, Darkwing Deer, and Darkwing Dodo.

Woo hoo!

Wait… that's DuckTales… Uh, LET'S GET DANGEROUS!!

Yeah, that's right.

Unfortunately, unlike Dirty Money, this script doesn't have a storybook based on it. Sadness. But, fortunately for us all, the episode is available on the second volume of Darkwing Duck DVDs. YIPEE!

Orrrrr you can watch it below!

Download the script for "The Darkwing Squad" HERE.

Enjoy!

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 11 of 16)

Ahhhhh yes… the Kenner Give-a-Show slide comics. You can't escape it. Search your feelings, you know it to be true!

I... don't know why I just said that.

Well anyways, here we go again.

Today's comic features that pathetic puddy-tat Sylvester and his evil nemesis, Tweety! Oh, goody.

For some reason, Sylvester and Tweety, who are both well-known domesticated house pets, are entwined in some sort of chase in the forest. THE FOREST. Yeesh... the factual inaccuracies in these comics are becoming more and more obvious.

"I TAWT I TAW A PUDDY TAT!"

Yeah… Well, duh.

HEH HEH

ZOW (hey, that's a new one!) - Sylvester continues to chase Tweety until…

ZIP - Tweety swoops down and into a hollow log. Oh, great. I've seen enough silent movies to know where this is going.

Sylvester chases Tweety into the hollow log, as a butterfly flies around his butt for some unknown reason.

Suddenly, Tweety pops out from a tiny hole in the log, giving a fond farewell to the "puddy". HA! I KNEW IT!

CRUNCK KRASH CRUNK - Out of nowhere, this log decides to roll down the orangey/reddish ground towards a lake or a river or a stream or some sort of body of water.

A fjord? Yeah. I'm gonna say it's a fjord.

In the end, we see Sylvester now frantically floating down this fjord on the hollow log, whilst Tweety taunts him, like the little twerp he is.

THE END.

CLICK on the photo(s) to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC PHOTO EMBIGGENER®!!

Enjoy… I guess.

Record #3456 - Disco for Kids

Today's record is the freakishly funkalicious album, Disco for Kids! Now, I never really realized it till now, but almost all disco music is completely ridiculous.

I'm kidding. Obviously it's all ridiculous. Case in point - The Village People.

In 1977, disco was king. Forget punk rock. It's all about the disco, baby! YEAH!

I mean, disco was so dang popular, they even made a disco version of the Star Wars theme, and yes, just as you imagined, it is the 3rd or 4th greatest song ever recorded.

Don't believe me? Well, then you are denial and must check out the video below.

See? I TOLD YOU.

Okay, so it's not that great, but hey, it's fun!

Anyways, disco = big in the mid-70s.

Got that? Good. Now, onto the bloggery stuff.

Disco for Kids is, in one word, MAGNIFICENT. It has some of the greatest non-disco-but-categorically-described-as-disco music ever recorded, PLUS an instructional guide for dance moves! DANCE MOVES, CHARLIE! (I don't know who Charlie is, I just felt like saying that)

I don't know about you, but I have wanted to learn how to do the Knock Knee Bump since the beginning of time, and you know what? Thanks to this album, NOW I CAN! This is what America is all about, people.

Besides the great vaugely disco-ish music, my favorite thing about this record is Al Dana's nightmarish narration.

One word -- CLAP.

I honestly don't think I have ever heard anything more creepy.

One cool thing about this album, is that on Side A you have the songs with the narration teaching you the dance moves, but Side B contains all the instrumental versions of the songs! It's totally perfect for your junior high school's talent show! Ohhhh yeah!

I think my favorite track may be Slow Stomp (aka I've Got a Feeling) mostly because of the way he says "AND THE CHICKEN!" and "SIDE!" and that krazy keyboard riff. Oh, come on. You know you love it.

So, that's Disco for Kids! I've included the instructional booklet for you in the file as well. There's no need to thank me, just say a silent prayer to Günter, the Disco King, and all will be well with the Lloyd.

Download Disco for Kids, HERE.