Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Records #12 & #12½ - The Terry Bradshaw & Ron Cey 45's

So, yeah...

Thanks to my parents record collection, I have inherited some awesome music - Bob Dylan, John Denver, Steve Taylor, and Chuck Mangione to name a few.

But, I won't be talking about those.

First we have Terry Bradshaw's "Until You/Dimestore Jesus" 45. You see, after he retired from football in the 70's, he realized that he hadn't released enough albums of his horrific singing about his personal relationship with Jesus. So, in 1980 he released this - his one (and only, as far as I know) single. Lucky for me, my parents enjoyed buying music by C-List celebrities and picked up this relic.

Now, these generic late 70's country/inspirational songs could be sung by pretty much anybody, so it makes perfect sense that the guy from that one Radio Shack commercial should record them. Meh.

Next we have the worst thing I have EVER heard. I'm not joking. I'm amazed my brain didn't explode. It's the most Satanically horrible thing ever.

No, I'm not talking about K-Fed's record. I'm talking about this promotional 7" by former Los Angeles Dodgers third baseman, Ron "The Penguin" Cey. Included are the tracks "Third Base Bag" and "One Game At A Time".

The very millisecond the "just-slightly-but-enough-to-be-completely-off-key" vocals came in on Side One's track "Third Base Bag", I knew my life was never going to be the same again. Although sung in almost a complete monotone, it is SO VERY SLIGHTLY off-key and wrong that it is intolerable.

Side Two's track, "One Game At A Time" is just as vile as the first side's. In it, he chronicles for all of us how he "took advantage of the bright sunshine, ONE GAME AT A TIME". Now, if these flagitious lyrics and this rancid singing isn't bad enough, there is a point where his voice is actually DOUBLED UP on the track to include TWICE THE UNSPEAKABLY ATROCIOUS singing voice that is RON CEY.

Lucky for you, I recorded both of these 45's and they are available for download here.


*I, Jeremy Allison, officially inform you that I do NOT take the blame for you losing your hearing by listening to the God-awful 45 by Ron Cey.

No comments:

Post a Comment