Darkwing Duck - High Wave Robbery (Cassette & Storybook)

Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know. I've been gone for a llllllllllloooooooonnnnnnggggggg time. 

But don't blame me! If anything, you should blame love... and whiskey... and Mai Tais...

Anywhoo, now that that's all over, I can finally get back to what really matters in my life — pants baskets! Uhhh... I mean BLOGGING!!

Today's magical blog of magicalness is the Darkwing Duck cassette and storybook, High Wave Robbery!

As you can see from the super groovy cover, this is an action packed thrill ride with motorcycles and fire and smoke and crazy-eyed Launchpads!

Well actually, it's just an episode of Darkwing Duck that wasn't good enough to actually be animated.

Also, I don't remember having FREE TRADING CARDS INSIDE... I feel gypped.

I enjoy this thing a whole heck of a lot. I can't even count how many times I've listened to this tape in my life. As a kid, I was OBSESSED with this thing. And to be perfectly honest, I still am.

The story concerns an evil supervillian named Frequencia who uses crazy loud sounds, or frequencies (GENIUS), to put people into a daze, and rob them while they are stuck in said daze. Darkwing Duck, of course, comes to save the day and... well, he saves the day. What else would he do?

It's a pretty awesome story.

Also, there's lots of puns. Like the names "Mrs. Rockefeather" and "Mooselangelo".

God, I love animal related puns.

Frequencia is a pretty cool lookin' supervillian too, if you ask me. I would've loved to see her in animated action, robbing people at movie premieres and art galleries! Dangit, Disney! Just start the Disney Afternoon all over again! I promise I'll pretend like the last 19 years of Disney Afternoon withdrawal never happened!

This episode ends with a BLORT — one of my favorite onomatopoeias. 

Yep. I sure do love BLORTs.

The voice acting on this story is obviously super awesome, as it includes all of the original cast from the TV show — Jim Cummings, Terrance McGovern, and Christine Cavanaugh.

The narration is great too... God, I wish I sounded as cool as William Woodson! I mean, he was the narrator for the All-New Super Friends Hour!!

Also, he dubbed someone in Brian De Palma's Bonfire of the Vanities, not that that matters, or anything... even though Brian De Palma has recently become my second favorite director of all time... but that's for another post altogether.

Let's just say that I've watched Body Double 16 times in the past four months, and leave it at that... at least for now...

Oh boy.

ANYWAYS, you can download the Darkwing Duck cassette and storybook of High Wave Robbery HERE!

And, as always, you can CLICK on the photo(s) to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC™ PHOTO EMBIGGENER®!!

Enjoy!

Book #8691 - Blackbeard's Ghost Comic Book

Today's thing of interest to nobody else but me is the comic book novelization of my favorite late 60s weird-ass Disney film, Blackbeard's Ghost!

Magical, isn't it?

Well anyways, since I've talked wayyyyyy too much about this movie before, I won't go into the whole detail of the synopsis of the film again, so we'll talk about this crazy comic book!

For some reason, the comic book starts off with a scene that takes place about 15 minutes into the film and then flashbacks to the beginning. Confusarama!

Also, why does Dean Jones' cartoon character version look nothing like him, and exactly like Generic White Guy #993842?

So, the story continues and there's some great panels that show people narrating while something confusing is happening to them -- like this motorcycle cop who is being attacked by the drunken ghost of Blackbeard.

Help! I forgot to take my anti-psychotic medication

and now I can't stop narrating!

Then, randomly a couple pages later, there is a 3 page break in the story for some odd pieces of confusingness that have nothing to do with anything regarding Blackbeard's Ghost! My favorite of these things, though, is this page entitled Jest for Fun, featuring a happy picture of a an overpopulated barrel of monkeys and a bunch of 2-3 line jokes that apparently weren't good enough for a popsicle stick.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program...

So then we are thrown violently back into the story and into a crazy race where Blackbeard is screwing around with everything and helping Godolphin win so that an illegal bet that was made can be collected to help fund an old ladies' hotel. Yippee!! 

Soooooo, they win the race and the guy who runs the illegal gambling parlor who took the illegal bet on the illegal race from the illegal ghost of Blackbeard decides to not pay them their money... which is illegal! 

So the illegal ghost of Blackbeard and Dean Jones and Suzanne Pleshette rush over to the illegal gambling hall and attempt to get their illegal winnings from the illegal Silky Seymour!

And in all the illegal hubbub, this happens...

Hallelujah.

This is my favorite comic book panel of all time. Just pure genius.

So anyways, as you can guess, everything happens in favor of the ghost of Blackbeard and Dean Jones and Godolphin college and the old ladies' hotel thing, so we have our patented Disney happy ending.

Oh, and then we top it all off with this frightening advertisement for Golden Magazine.

Is Cracky on crack? Tune in next week to find out!

You can download the Blackbeard's Ghost comic book HERE!

Arrrrrrr!

Article #7894 - Nintendo Game & Watch - Mario Bros.

Today's item is something really cool. Essentially, it's the original Nintendo Game Boy DS - The Nintendo Game & Watch with the game Mario Bros.

This thing is really cool... and really difficult to play. It's a little LCD game that's totally unlike any other Mario game that exists.

Basically, you control both Mario and Luigi, and the goal is to place boxes on the conveyor belts with Mario on the right screen and then collect them with Luigi on the left screen. You keep putting them up a level on the until you get to the top, then you store them in a truck on Luigi's side.

It keeps going faster and faster until your brain can't handle it much longer and then you go crazy and you start screaming and throwing it around and stomping around the house shoving your fists through windows until your arms are a shredded mess of flesh and bones!!

At least that's what happens to me when I play this thing.

It's an interesting little game system. It's probably the first portable Nintendo game and was definitely the original idea for the Game Boy DS and its Dual Screen technology.

Although, I find this game much more brain meltingly evil than any Game Boy DS game.

CLICK on the photo(s) to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC PHOTO EMBIGGENER®!

Enjoy!

Also, I just realized that this is, by far, the most un-colorful and ugly blog I have ever posted. I feel like I deserve an award.

Book #1129 - The TV Facts Magazine

Today we've got an awesome TV Facts magazine from the week of November 29-December 5, 1981.

Yes, of course it's got Loni Anderson on the cover! Why wouldn't it?!

By far, my favorite thing about magazines from the past, are the advertisements. Like this one - an ad featuring EVA GABOR WIGS. God, I love wigs.

You know, every time I pick up an old magazine, I get annoyed with all the stuff that I missed.

Especially this one called Disneylandia. Apparently, it's an episode of the awesome Disneyland or Wonderful World of Color shows, in Spanish.

Now, knowing me, I'd totally be switching the channels during the Disneylandia commercials to try to multi-watch Happy Days Again, Laverne and Shirley and Friends, Hogan's Heroes, Tic Tac Dough, Match Game, and The Muppet Show. It'd be a tiring hour of television, but I think I could do it. And oh, how happy I would be!

Of course, we can't forget those late night movies. God, there are so many great movie listings in here, but one stands above the rest…

Yes! The epic Don Knotts and Tim Conway movie, "Private Eyes"!! Why can't TV be this awesome now? Sigh…

Well, if you're wondering where you can pick up a copy, well…

…or you can just download this awesome time capsule of television HERE.

Enjoy!

Article #908 - The "Beatnick" Cigarette Holder

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm lazy.

Now, onto the blogging...

If I smoked, this would be the single most important item in my whole collection.

When I spend time in costume stores, there's no telling what I will come out with.

Near my house, there is a ginormous warehouse of costume supplies called "Robinson Beautilities". It is very easy to get lost in the piles of clip-on earrings, fake moustaches (a personal favorite), and prosthetic noses.

One day, while diving through the clearance section, I found what might be possibly be the coolest thing I own.

Now, as much as I love those rascally Dalmatians, the evil, monochrome-haired Cruella de Vil has always been a personal hero of mine. You know, minus the whole slaughtering house trained animals for her own amusement (and wardrobe). So, naturally when I saw this "Beatnick" Cigarette Holder, I squealed with delight.

This is also one of those items where I don't know if I love the actual item, or the packaging more.

"Oh' man it's AWAY out!". It literally does not get better than that.

I leave you know with the single greatest song ever written/performed about smoking.

Oh, and here's a public domain movie about beatniks directed by Paul Frees (the voice of Boris Badenov), ingeniously entitled, The Beatniks.

Enjoy!