Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Movie #92 - Chéz-Zam!

Today I'm going to share with you a videotape that makes me very happy.

The videotape is called Chéz-Zam, and it is by far, the greatest thing to have ever happened... EVER.


I case you couldn't tell by that beautifully creepy cover up there, Chéz-Zam is an entertainment/party group that is some crazy messed up mixture of Cirque du Soliel, CATS, Studio 54, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and 89 hits of acid... and a whole buttload of cocaine.

Why am I even trying to explain this to you with mere words?

Take 13 minutes out your day and check out the entire Chéz-Zam promotional videotape below, and find out what Chéz-Zam is really all about –


Freakin' Alan Alda.

I'm not entirely sure there's anything more that I can say – it's just perfect.

Also, I'm about 78% sure this is Clemmy from RENO! 911.


If you can believe it, these Chéz-Zam folks are still around... and if someone doesn't hire them for my next birthday party, I'll be thoroughly disappointed.

Monday, June 18, 2012

The William Castle Memorabilia (Part 3)

And now, a message from the director of The Tingler, Mr. William Castle.


Today's post, which is presented in TEXT-O, is the exhibitor's instruction manual for the PERCEPTO gimmick for William Castle's classic film The Tingler!


I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT!

Well, luckily I have this PERCEPTO manual, and now I will forever know how to "do it".

So, in The Tingler, Vincent Price is this semi-evil doctor whose main goal in life is to prove that a creepy lobster-like creature grows in your spine when you are scared. And of course, he calls this spine tingling crustaceany thing The Tingler!

INTERESTING FACT -- The Tingler is the first film to show the movie-fied effects of the psychedelic drug LSD in a scene where Vincent Price freaks out on acid. 

WANNA SEE?!? OF COURSE YOU DO!!



When they originally showed the film in theaters, the great William Castle came up with an almost completely insane (and hilarious) gimmick -- during a scene where The Tingler gets loose in the theater, the theater owners would SHOCK certain seats with a joy buzzer type contraption which he entitled PERCEPTO! Genius. I can only hope that one day I can be PERCEPTO'd.


As you can see, this manual was sent to all the theater owners by Columbia Pictures to show them how to hook up these crazy things to the seats. They were apparently powered by car batteries, and controlled from the projection booth. They were cued by a moment where the screen goes black and Vincent Price yells...

"THE TINGLER IS LOOSE IN THE THEATER! 
EVERYBODY, SCREAM! SCREAM FOR YOUR LIVES!"


There was another part to the gimmick as well. The theater would hire a couple of girls to scream and freak out, running around the theater and fainting during the "SCREAM FOR YOUR LIVES!!" scene. They would then be dragged out on a stretcher by a couple of ushers, while the audience freaks out, or laughs at them for being stupidly scared.

GAH! I WANT TO SEE THIS IN A THEATER IN 1959! GIVE ME A DANG TIME MACHINE, YOU LAZY SCIENTIST JERKS!




You can download the PERCEPTO manual for The Tingler HERE!!

Oh, and if you're looking for an early Christmas gift for me, well you can just go buy me a Tingler.

Enjoy! And don't forget to SCREAM!! SCREAM FOR YOUR LIVES!!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Record #4569 - Aerobics USA

Today's record is the astronomically awesome Aerobics USA!


Aerobics USA is, in fact, created by Georgiana Liccione Stewart -- the same genius who brought us Disco For Kids. Remember how groovalicious Disco For Kids was?? Well, Aerobics USA is just about 2/3rds as awesome as that.

Unfortunately, Aerobics USA doesn't include not-disco-but-categorically-described-as-disco disco music. It does, however, include generic cover versions of generic 1980s pop-rock hits!

These hits include --

     • Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days", "Born to Run" and "Born in the USA"!

     • Phil Collins' "Separate Lives"!

     • David Bowie and Mick Jagger's "Dancing in the Streets"!

     • Giorgio Moroder's (WHO?!?) "Reach Out"!

and last, but certainly not least...

     • The Army's lousy commercial theme song "Be All That You Can Be"!

As you can plainly see, this is a great album. It's chock full of classic music, an overdose of Springsteen, creepy narration (CLAP!), and…

DANCE MOVES, CHARLIE!!


YES!!

I have never seen a more rigorous workout than that, and as far as I know, I never will.

This record, which also includes the instrumental versions on the flip side, is a sure fire way to keep in shape AND listen to popular music at the same time!


Keep rockin' your body!! YEAH!!

Download your Aerobics USA workout HERE.

Monday, January 2, 2012

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 11 of 16)

Ahhhhh yes… the Kenner Give-a-Show slide comics. You can't escape it. Search your feelings, you know it to be true!

I... don't know why I just said that.

Well anyways, here we go again.

Today's comic features that pathetic puddy-tat Sylvester and his evil nemesis, Tweety! Oh, goody.


For some reason, Sylvester and Tweety, who are both well-known domesticated house pets, are entwined in some sort of chase in the forest. THE FOREST. Yeesh... the factual inaccuracies in these comics are becoming more and more obvious.

"I TAWT I TAW A PUDDY TAT!"

Yeah… Well, duh.

HEH HEH

ZOW (hey, that's a new one!) - Sylvester continues to chase Tweety until…

ZIP - Tweety swoops down and into a hollow log. Oh, great. I've seen enough silent movies to know where this is going.

Sylvester chases Tweety into the hollow log, as a butterfly flies around his butt for some unknown reason.

Suddenly, Tweety pops out from a tiny hole in the log, giving a fond farewell to the "puddy". HA! I KNEW IT!

CRUNCK KRASH CRUNK - Out of nowhere, this log decides to roll down the orangey/reddish ground towards a lake or a river or a stream or some sort of body of water.

A fjord? Yeah. I'm gonna say it's a fjord.

In the end, we see Sylvester now frantically floating down this fjord on the hollow log, whilst Tweety taunts him, like the little twerp he is.

THE END.

CLICK on the photo(s) to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC PHOTO EMBIGGENER®!!


Enjoy… I guess.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Record #3456 - Disco for Kids

Today's record is the freakishly funkalicious album, Disco for Kids! Now, I never really realized it till now, but almost all disco music is completely ridiculous.

I'm kidding. Obviously it's all ridiculous. Case in point - The Village People.


In 1977, disco was king. Forget punk rock. It's all about the disco, baby! YEAH!

I mean, disco was so dang popular, they even made a disco version of the Star Wars theme, and yes, just as you imagined, it is the 3rd or 4th greatest song ever recorded.

Don't believe me? Well, then you are denial and must check out the video below.


See? I TOLD YOU.

Okay, so it's not that great, but hey, it's fun!

Anyways, disco = big in the mid-70s.

Got that? Good. Now, onto the bloggery stuff.

Disco for Kids is, in one word, MAGNIFICENT. It has some of the greatest non-disco-but-categorically-described-as-disco music ever recorded, PLUS an instructional guide for dance moves! DANCE MOVES, CHARLIE! (I don't know who Charlie is, I just felt like saying that)

I don't know about you, but I have wanted to learn how to do the Knock Knee Bump since the beginning of time, and you know what? Thanks to this album, NOW I CAN! This is what America is all about, people.

Besides the great vaugely disco-ish music, my favorite thing about this record is Al Dana's nightmarish narration.

One word -- CLAP.

I honestly don't think I have ever heard anything more creepy.

One cool thing about this album, is that on Side A you have the songs with the narration teaching you the dance moves, but Side B contains all the instrumental versions of the songs! It's totally perfect for your junior high school's talent show! Ohhhh yeah!

I think my favorite track may be Slow Stomp (aka I've Got a Feeling) mostly because of the way he says "AND THE CHICKEN!" and "SIDE!" and that krazy keyboard riff. Oh, come on. You know you love it.

So, that's Disco for Kids! I've included the instructional booklet for you in the file as well. There's no need to thank me, just say a silent prayer to Günter, the Disco King, and all will be well with the Lloyd.

Download Disco for Kids, HERE.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Record #1977 - This is Your... Princess Adventure

Today's record is the perfectly splendiferous, This is Your...Princess Adventure. Unfortunately, this record isn't about another treacherous trip with Cinderella, gosh darn it. It's almost better though, because, as you can plainly see, this is a document of YOUR Princess Cruise Adventure! Hey! Cruises are awesome! They're like a big floating buffet!


There is no doubt that you partook in the all of the activities offered to you by the cruise line - the casino, the lounge singers, jackpot Bingo, dance lessons, London pub night, the midnight buffet, the nightlife entertainment, the captain's cocktail party, and most importantly, skeet shooting!

Now, I've been on 3 cruises, but not ONE of them has given me the option of shooting things that are catapulted off the ship. The only activities I've been offered are shuffleboard and ping pong. I demand more guns!!

Anyways, this record is tons of fun, and it features a bunch of the strange and bizarre second-rate cruise entertainment. From my personal experience, ALL Cruise entertainment is super weird, yet delightfully fun! For example, the last time I was on a cruise there was a mariachi band playing Katy Perry songs. That's why you pay the big bucks for these fancy cruises.

As it says on the cover, this is a souvenir "LIVE" recording of your entire Princess Cruise! I'd really love to know why the word "LIVE" is in quotation marks. It says on the back that it is "actually recorded live onboard". So… is it really live, or is it just "LIVE"? Hey Princess Cruises, I NEED to know.


And, just as it's described, this deep and moving album truly is the perfect recording to share your Princess Cruise adventure with your loved ones at home. Now, find your muster station, sit back, relax, put this album on the phonograph, and enjoy vacationing vicariously through other people's 1977 Princess Adventure!

Download your very own Princess Cruise HERE.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Record #1968 - The Story of Blackbeard's Ghost

In honor of (almost) Halloween, today's record is the (sort of) Halloween-related album -- The Story of Blackbeard's Ghost, featuring Peter Ustinov. HEY! There's a ghost! Ghost = Halloween. Deal with it, you batty beatniks!

The film, Blackbeard's Ghost is probably my favorite Disney movie. It's just another movie that I absolutely love, but can't explain exactly why. It's definitely got something to do with the oddness of Peter Ustinov though...


Blackbeard's Ghost is the story of Steve, played by Dean Jones, who moves to the small town of Godolphin to become the new track coach at the college. When he arrives, he stumbles upon a charity auction to save Blackbeard's Inn (where he is staying) from an evil casino owner (are all casino owners evil, or is that just in the movies?). He ends up winning an antique bed warmer in the auction, but when he gets up to his room, he accidentally sits on it, breaking it in half. Inside, he finds an old book of magic spells that used to belong to Blackbeard's wife. He reads one of the spells, unknowingly conjuring up Blackbeard himself, played perfectly by Peter Ustinov. Because of the spell, Steve and Blackbeard are now bonded by magic, and Blackbeard will remain in limbo (and with Steve) until he completes one good deed. All the while, Steve tries to bring his losing track team to the top, and win over a psychology professor played by Suzanne Pleshette. Hilarity ensues. No, really. It does! I'm really not kidding this time! I swear! WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?!?

This movie is just crazy fun. Blackbeard is basically one very big, drunk kid who has fun using his invisibility just to screw around with people and make Dean Jones go insane.

As with most older Disney movies, this one has a story album. Since they obviously didn't have the option of releasing a VHS tape or a DVD of their movies for home, they would release these story albums, usually with an accompanying book, to keep the films in the kids' heads until they were re-released in theaters after a few years.


The Story of Blackbeard's Ghost is different from all the rest, as this one is not just narrated by some nameless, faceless, freaky, generic-y voice-over guy -- this is narrated by Peter Ustinov in character as Blackbeard! It is a little odd to listen to at times, especially when they use sound clips from the actual movie, but hearing Peter Ustinov narrate in character as our drunken friend Blackbeard is surely entertaining enough to keep your interest through the whole story!


Now, this film is available on DVD, but I warn you, the transfer is the most horrifyingly hideous DVD transfer I have ever seen. It really looks like they transfered a copy of the film that someone had forgotten under their couch for 40 years. To top it all off, it's not even framed right, and there is even a part where a talking character's face is only half visible on the screen! Stupid crappiness of the DVDness.

Blackbeard always smiles
before he kills someone for releasing
a bad DVD of a great movie.

Hopefully, the atrociousness of the DVD won't keep you from enjoying this record of The Story of Blackbeard's Ghost! Have fun, and... Arrrr! (That's Piratespeak for "Enjoy!")

Download the record HERE.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Record #604 - The Bob Crane/Pat Buttram Record

Today we've got a promotional compilation album of classic radio personalities Bob Crane and Pat Buttram entitled "Laffter Sweet and Profane". Alrighty then. As you most assuredly know, both of these guys went on to bigger careers, and I shall fill you in with all the Trivial Pursuit-ish information that you will never find any use for. After all, that's what this blog is all about. Duh.

Side one of this record is entitled "Extricated from a 5-Year Shambles Caused by Bob Crane". Now, this side is actually pretty entertaining. It's basically (well, exactly) a compilation of the best of Bob Crane's morning radio show. You get cigarette commercials, banter with the crazy co-hosts and producers, and the best part of the whole thing -- an improv scene with Jonathan Winters.


Bob Crane was, as you'll hear, a really superly duperly awesome radio show host. The format they used for the show was insanely ahead of its time, and that's probably why he was so popular. In fact, it was the number one rated morning show in Los Angeles and he was known as "The King of the Los Angeles Airwaves". Take THAT, whoever-the-heck-is-number-one-on-the-radio-now!

He was also an accomplished drummer, and sat in with many great jazz musicians on his show, as well as playing with them as the special guest drummer in club shows. Check out this video of him drumming along to "These Boots are Made for Walking" while some crazy dancers attempt to dance!!


Eventually he moved on from radio and into TV with spots on The Twilight Zone, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, and the Dick Van Dyke Show. This led to him starring as Col. Hogan on Hogan's Heroes, which was extremely popular and ran for 6 years.

Unfortunately, after Hogan's Heroes, he couldn't find too many jobs. He did become the star of a TV series called The Bob Crane Show (how the heck they came up with that brilliant title, I'll never know), but that only lasted one season. He did get some parts in a couple of the most obscure Disney movies, starring in "Superdad" and a cameo in "Gus" - a Don Knotts movie about a football-kicking mule. Yep, you read that right. The 70s weren't really a high point for Disney (minus the awesome Kurt Russell/Cesar Romero movie, "Now You See Him, Now You Don't"). Other than guest-starring bits on TV, he wasn't really able to find too much work, so he resorted to traveling around the country performing in dinner theaters.

On one of his dinner theater stints in Scottsdale, Arizona, he was murdered as he was sleeping in his hotel room - apparently being face-crushed by a camera tripod. The murder, which occurred wayyyyy back in 1978, is still unsolved. He supposedly led an (how do I say this politely…) interesting lifestyle in his later years. Yeah. Uh… just look it up... I won't go any further. This is a family blog, after all! His life is documented in the book and movie "Auto-Focus", and both are really awesome, if I do say so myself (and I do).

Now, away from the creepy, murdery, death stuff, and on to Pat Buttram!!

Side two of this record is entitled "Excerpted from the Triumphant Toastmaster of Pat Buttram". Of course everybody needs a toastmaster. One of the main ingredients of any good party is a toastmaster, and when your party is the Democratic or the Republican party or the Friars Club, you apparently hire puberty-voice himself, the triumphant toastmaster, Pat Buttram.


Now, as we said before, the title of this album is "Laffter Sweet and Profane". Unfortunately for Pat Buttram, there really isn't too much "laffter". It's definitely not sweet. Technically speaking, it's not very profane, either. This is just… odd, and maybe a little politically incorrect. His toasts (if you can even call them that) are sufficiently abundant of really, really, really corny jokes. Some almost as bad as those dreadful "Take my wife, please" jokes. By far the best part of this side of the record is towards the end when Jack Benny shows up for like 30 seconds. Oh wait, um… SPOILER AL… meh, who cares.

Pat Buttram (a man saddled with one of the most unfortunate last names of all time) was originally known as the sidekick to Roy Rogers, then later, Gene Autry. He moved into TV along with Gene Autry, and kept moving forward from there onto Green Acres as Mr. Haney. He was known for his voice that he described as "never quite made it through puberty".

Because of that crackly voice, he was often used in animated films, and especially a lot of Disney movies. He was the Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood, Chief in The Fox and the Hound, one of the bullets in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and my favorite (and his last role), the old Possum Park animatronic show presenter in A Goofy Movie.

Finally, we come to the end of a plentiferous plethora of useless information, and to the part where you can download the record. Have a grand old time!


Download it HERE.

And just because I love you, here's an educational short entitled "Patriotism" featuring America's greatest patriot, Bob Crane. Woo!!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Article #908 - The "Beatnick" Cigarette Holder

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm lazy.

Now, onto the blogging...

If I smoked, this would be the single most important item in my whole collection.

When I spend time in costume stores, there's no telling what I will come out with.

Near my house, there is a ginormous warehouse of costume supplies called "Robinson Beautilities". It is very easy to get lost in the piles of clip-on earrings, fake moustaches (a personal favorite), and prosthetic noses.

One day, while diving through the clearance section, I found what might be possibly be the coolest thing I own.

Now, as much as I love those rascally Dalmatians, the evil, monochrome-haired Cruella de Vil has always been a personal hero of mine. You know, minus the whole slaughtering house trained animals for her own amusement (and wardrobe). So, naturally when I saw this "Beatnick" Cigarette Holder, I squealed with delight.


This is also one of those items where I don't know if I love the actual item, or the packaging more.

"Oh' man it's AWAY out!". It literally does not get better than that.

I leave you know with the single greatest song ever written/performed about smoking.


Oh, and here's a public domain movie about beatniks directed by Paul Frees (the voice of Boris Badenov), ingeniously entitled, The Beatniks.


Enjoy!