Article #1968 - The SKIDOO Program

Today's magicalness is the movie program from the classic Otto Preminger film travesty Skidoo.

Skidoo has gone down in history as being one of the greatest bad movies of all time. It's hard to believe that such a weirdly terrible movie can exist, considering the cast and crew of the Otto Preminger film Skidoodaly-doodoodoooooo. 

Sorry. I went insane there for a second.

The film stars Jackie Gleason, Carol Channing, Frankie Avalon, Cesar Romero, Burgess Meredith, Frank Gorshin, Peter Lawford, Mickey Rooney, George Raft, John Phillip Law, Richard "Eegah!" Kiel, and Groucho Marx as a mob boss named GOD. It also features a groovy soundtrack by Harry Nilsson. Now, considering all that talent, especially almost all of the 60s Batman villains, you would expect a pretty great film, right? 

Well, sorry, but no.

You see, this is what happens when you hire old people to make a film about LSD.

Apparently though, Groucho Marx did drop some acid with Timothy Leary in preparation for his role in the film, which is kind of weird. I would love to be there and see what kind of quips he came up with while tripping. Must've been one hilarious party.

The movie is essentially one gigantic train wreck. Scene after scene, and line after line, it just keeps going and going and getting weirder and weirder. Right when you think it can't get any stranger, it laughs in your face and says "LOOK AT THIS AND DEAL WITH IT" and, well, you just can't look away.

Especially when Jackie Gleason trips on acid.

It is quite possibly the greatest scene in the history of film as we know it.

So here we come to the end, and I present to you the movie program from the film Skidoo and its run at the Alhambra theater in San Francisco. And it is pretty awesome, if I do say so my self. (And I do)

Enjoy! And anybody who don't like that, daddy, don't like chicken on Sunday!

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 14 of 16)

Since this is my 50th post, I'm feeling kind of lazy, so I'm going to do the bare minimum.

Hold onto your hats.

This is a comic. It has Mighty Mouse. It is called "Magnetic Personality". Oh, the fun.

Some mice are going to a picnic in a helicopter. Why? I don't know, and frankly, I don't want to know.

Some cat has a magnet and talks to himself.

Lightningy magnetism strikes the helicopter.

HUMMMMM

The cat uses the magnet to make the helicopter "COME TO PAPA".

I don't know how he knows evil is happening, but out of the blue (well, actually out of the green) Mighty Mouse comes to save the day by SNATCHing the magnet from the cat. 

The cat runs away and then WHOOSH, Mighty Mouse throws the magnet at the cat.

The magnet knocks the cat on the ground and pins him to the ground while stars and what appears to be a sparkler bounce on his brain barrier (his head).

The end.

Now, let's all join in a silent prayer to thank the sweet Lloyd that there are only 2 more of these crapfests left.

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Or don't. Whatever.

Don't enjoy this one.

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 13 of 16)

 Okay. Here we go again. SLIDE COMICS. Oh come on, you know you love it.

Today's Give-a-Show stars those crazy carnivores Motormouse & Autocat in the profound potboiler "Oops!"

Autocat's NEW RADAR SUCTION HARPOOON IS READY! Yes! Finally! I mean, the 1970 model was great, but dang, this 1971 model sure is far out!

BEEP

Motormouse speeds on by on some sort of motorbikecycle!

ZZZT!

Then, Autocat who kind of resembles Heathcliff, sets his suction harpoon to retrieve anything on a motorcycle. YES! Finally, some action in these things.

KaBLOOEY

The suction harpoon explodes and flies across apartment buildings… and my favorite restaurant -- EAT!!

Looks like Autocat's caught something! He reeeeeeeels it in!

CRANK CRANK

"Oops!".

HEY!! THAT'S WHERE THE TITLE CAME FROM!! NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!! (No it doesn't)

BEEP (again)

Oh, hilarity ensued and Autocat has harpooned a police bike. HA.

As Autocat is hauled away to jail in a paddywagon, Motormouse ZOW's by just to taunt him.

So as we all can see, the exploits of Motormouse & Autocat are just a step below (or above, your pick) Tom & Jerry.

The end.

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 11 of 16)

Ahhhhh yes… the Kenner Give-a-Show slide comics. You can't escape it. Search your feelings, you know it to be true!

I... don't know why I just said that.

Well anyways, here we go again.

Today's comic features that pathetic puddy-tat Sylvester and his evil nemesis, Tweety! Oh, goody.

For some reason, Sylvester and Tweety, who are both well-known domesticated house pets, are entwined in some sort of chase in the forest. THE FOREST. Yeesh... the factual inaccuracies in these comics are becoming more and more obvious.

"I TAWT I TAW A PUDDY TAT!"

Yeah… Well, duh.

HEH HEH

ZOW (hey, that's a new one!) - Sylvester continues to chase Tweety until…

ZIP - Tweety swoops down and into a hollow log. Oh, great. I've seen enough silent movies to know where this is going.

Sylvester chases Tweety into the hollow log, as a butterfly flies around his butt for some unknown reason.

Suddenly, Tweety pops out from a tiny hole in the log, giving a fond farewell to the "puddy". HA! I KNEW IT!

CRUNCK KRASH CRUNK - Out of nowhere, this log decides to roll down the orangey/reddish ground towards a lake or a river or a stream or some sort of body of water.

A fjord? Yeah. I'm gonna say it's a fjord.

In the end, we see Sylvester now frantically floating down this fjord on the hollow log, whilst Tweety taunts him, like the little twerp he is.

THE END.

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Enjoy… I guess.

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 10 of 16)

WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO PART 10 OF THE KENNER GIVE-A-SHOW SLIDE COLLECTION!!

...I'm sorry for yelling at you, I just got excited.

Today's slide comic features that devilish dude, Yosemite Sam in "Out of my Mine". HA! I get it!

As we begin this magical tale, we see that Yosemite Sam is buying a gold mine from the cool cowboy with the inverted cow print vest. Awesome. Someone should buy me one of those.

After receiving the money from Sam, the devilishly cool cowboy counts his money. "Haw, haw!" Uh, oh… something bad is about to happen, I can just feel it.

CHOP! HACK!

Cut to: 3 Months Later

SHOVEL! DIG!

Yosemite Sam realizes he's been hoodwinked! Well, it's about time. Yeesh. Three months and nothing? Come on, Sam. Get with the program.

BOOM! POW!

Sam's so angry, he decides to shoot at the ground, because it can't shoot back.

"Oil! More durned bad luck!" Womp womp womp wommmmmmmmp…

Wait… OIL?! How the hell is that "durned bad luck"?! I mean, HE'S FREAKIN' RICH!! Ugh… I need to stop overanalyzing these things.

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Enjoy!

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 6 of 16)

We find ourselves here, in a familiar terrain. A place where dreams do come true, and even when they don't, at least they've got free pizza. If you didn't guess already, the place of which I'm referring to is the vault of the Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection! Woooo!

Tonight, we find ourselves in a high-flying tale of terrificness, starring the one and only Daffy Duck in "Imprudent Student". Brilliant.

Our story begins at Daffy's Flying School, where Daffy is taking Elmer Fudd on his first lesson. Considering Elmer could never figure out whether to shoot Daffy or Bugs, this is a gigantic step in their duck/man relationship.

When they get off the ground and into the wild pink yonder, Daffy begins explaining the 3 important rules of flying - "First, always keep your hands on the controls".

Of course, in true cartoony fashion, Elmer turns his head with not enough time to hear and respond the second rule of flying - "always watch where you're going".

Oh no! He's going down! (RRRRRRR)

Then, SCRONK! Uh oh. He didn't follow the third rule of flying - Never land in a tree.

And that's why you don't let off-model cartoon ducks open up flying schools.

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The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 5 of 16)

Now, back to your regularly scheduled program. That is, if your program includes another heart-wrenching installment of the Kenner Give-a-Show Slide collection! It does? Well then, you're in luck, because that is exactly why I'm here!

Today's cadaverous cartoon stars one of animation's most cherished characters, Bugs Bunny, in "Bugs Bunny Rides Again". Oh man, I'm excited. I mean, it's Bugs freakin' Bunny! He's hilarious. This HAS to be good… right?

In this tragic tale of terror, we find Yosemite Sam, looking a little redder than usual, racing through the desert on a tiny horse, ready for a showdown with that rabbit! You know, these slide comic cartoon characters really need to start wearing more sunscreen.

He arrives at the saloon, and finds his nemesis, Bugs Bunny! (dun dun dunnnnn… the plot thickens!) Apparently, Bugs has hit his head or eaten some bad carrots or something, because he obviously thinks Yosemite Sam's is a king, and calls him "sire".

Oh no! It's time for a showdown!

Well, Yosemite Sam decides it's time to make Bugs dance by shooting at his feet, which makes Bugs jump for joy as he challenges Sam to a dance-off. Ohhhhhhhhh snap!

Yosemite Sam accepts this challenge (as any gentleman should) and shuffles off!

But, while Bugs giggles with giddiness, Yosemite Sam dances himself away - right down a mine shaft in the middle of Main Street!! That bouncy Bugs Bunny has given him the slip once again!

Oh, Bugs! You rascally rabbit, you!

Stay tuned for Part 5 of The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collectionalicious! Woo!

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The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 4 of 16)

Today's episode of the Kenner Give-a-Show Slide comic collection features our favorite cartoon basketball bunch, the Harlem Globetrotters® in the captivating chronicle, "Pinpoint Accuracy"!

With only ten seconds to go and a tie game, our glorious grandmother cheerleader and dandy dog mascot are cheering on the Globetrotters, while knocking over a bucket of milk for some reason, as a flashlight and a bunch of flesh-colored and black jelly beans float behind them.

Apparently the Globetrotters have stolen the DNA of Stretch Armstrong, as one of them was able to stretch their freakishly long arm behind the backboard to make a score point! GO TEAM!

In true basketball fashion, the ball goes to the opposing team, who almost immediately decide to shoot the ball from the middle of nowhere, whilst one Globetrotter dances in the foreground, and the others skip by in the back.

Our sunburnt sports-guy shoots a last second shot and OH NO! It's going in!

Then, out of what appears to be nowhere, there is an explosion! (POOFF SSSSSSSS)

As it turns out, it was the ball that exploded! The now flattened ball is just hanging on the edge of the basket looking (to me, at least) like a deflated peanut. THE GLOBETROTTERS WIN, as usual. Yeesh. These guys need to lose eventually, they're getting wayyyy too cocky.

After winning (again, ugh), the Globetrotters walk over and talk to the question mark flying over the referee's head, telling it that the game had them on pins and needles, as a platoon of UFOs fly behind them. WAIT A GOSH DARN MINUTE!! THOSE GLOBETROTTERS FLATTENED THE BALL WITH A SHINY PIN!!

Aaaaaaand the moral of the story is -- cheaters ALWAYS prosper.

Godspeed, you fantastic fraudsters!

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The Kenner Give-a-Show Slides Collection (part 2 of 16)

Welcome to part 2 of my collection of the riveting Kenner Give-A-Show Slides.

Today, we have a "hilarious" Josie & The Pussycats comic entitled "Spellbound".

In this comedy of epic proportions, Sabrina the Teenage Witch's evil twin has infiltrated the comic world of Josie & The Pussycats, where she happens upon Josie flirting with Alan B! *GASP!*

Of course, since all evil teenage witches love buff, blonde guys, she gets jealous and decides to cast a spell to make Alan B fall in love with her. KER-ZAP!

In true Bewitched®-ish fashion, Alan B becomes enamored with a quarter he spots on the ground and bends over to pick it up, making the magical lighting bolt just miss his butt by inches, and mistakenly strike a construction worker driving a steamroller, who in turn falls in love with the evil Sabrina! ZORP!

As with all madly in love construction workers, he immediately abandons his still-rolling steamroller, which then flattens a brand new police car! SKRONCH!

This, of course, makes the policeman chase him while he chases after evil Sabrina, while hearts leak from his thick head.

In the end, we learn that using magic to make big, burly, blonde men fall in love with you is never a good idea.

Thank you, and good night!

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Records #12 & #12½ - The Terry Bradshaw & Ron Cey 45's

So, yeah...

Thanks to my parents record collection, I have inherited some awesome music - Bob Dylan, John Denver, Steve Taylor, and Chuck Mangione to name a few.

But, I won't be talking about those.

First we have Terry Bradshaw's "Until You/Dimestore Jesus" 45. You see, after he retired from football in the 70's, he realized that he hadn't released enough albums of his horrific singing about his personal relationship with Jesus. So, in 1980 he released this - his one (and only, as far as I know) single. Lucky for me, my parents enjoyed buying music by C-List celebrities and picked up this relic.

Now, these generic late 70's country/inspirational songs could be sung by pretty much anybody, so it makes perfect sense that the guy from that one Radio Shack commercial should record them. Meh.

Next we have the worst thing I have EVER heard. I'm not joking. I'm amazed my brain didn't explode. It's the most Satanically horrible thing ever.

No, I'm not talking about K-Fed's record. I'm talking about this promotional 7" by former Los Angeles Dodgers third baseman, Ron "The Penguin" Cey. Included are the tracks "Third Base Bag" and "One Game At A Time".

The very millisecond the "just-slightly-but-enough-to-be-completely-off-key" vocals came in on Side One's track "Third Base Bag", I knew my life was never going to be the same again. Although sung in almost a complete monotone, it is SO VERY SLIGHTLY off-key and wrong that it is intolerable.

Side Two's track, "One Game At A Time" is just as vile as the first side's. In it, he chronicles for all of us how he "took advantage of the bright sunshine, ONE GAME AT A TIME". Now, if these flagitious lyrics and this rancid singing isn't bad enough, there is a point where his voice is actually DOUBLED UP on the track to include TWICE THE UNSPEAKABLY ATROCIOUS singing voice that is RON CEY.

Lucky for you, I recorded both of these 45's and they are available for download here.

LISTEN AT YOUR OWN RISK.*

1) Terry Bradshaw - Until You/Dimestore Jesus 7"

2) Ron Cey - Ron Cey 7"

*I, Jeremy Allison, officially inform you that I do NOT take the blame for you losing your hearing by listening to the God-awful 45 by Ron Cey.