Rip Taylor's Dramatic Reel

No, I'm not kidding. This thing is real. My awesome boss, Phillip, at the greatest video store in the universe, CineFile Video, discovered this amazing VHS. And boy oh boy, do I thank him for it.

So, apparently after appearing in such dramatic masterpieces as Indecent Proposal and Wayne's World 2, Rip Taylor decided he wanted to be the next Rip Torn and become a dramatic Oscar® caliber actor. And of course, to show off his acting chops, they cut together this videotape compilation of his best dramatic work.

Weirdly enough, this tape starts with Rip in a Dr. Pepper commercial, where he screams and giggles at us about winning $100,000 or a "nostalgic Dr. Pepper mini-truck", or an "exciting 1985 Buick Century". Groovy.

Of course the tape also includes the aforementioned toupée-less scene from Indecent Proposal (which disappointingly doesn't consist of him throwing confetti at Robert Redford), as well as another hairless scene from some weird short lived 90s TV series called Johnny Bago with Denise Crosby, where Rip Taylor plays the wannabe game show host mayor of some creepy town.

Then it cuts to the most schizophrenically disturbing commercial for adult survivors of child abuse I've ever seen. AND THEN, a weird-ass clip from an infomercial for the Psychic Friends Network where Rip implores you to finally do something for yourself, and call the Psychic Friends Network... NOW!!

And of course, since we started with some funny, we must end with funny — so the tape ends with a clip from Rip's live comedy show where he tells a terrible joke about Bill Clinton having sex with a doberman. Thank you, Jesus.

Check it out below!

Well, that's it. That is the "dramatic reel" of the great Rip Taylor.

Yep.

It sure is.

And if you thought that was great, check out the back of the VHS box where it proclaims all the awesomeness that is Rip Taylor.

Enjoy!

A New Leaf -- Lobby Cards

So, in 1971 there was this movie called A New Leaf. It's one of the best comedies of all time, but almost nobody has seen it, because... well, I'm not sure. It is insanely hilarious. 

It's the story of a rich guy played by Walter Matthau who runs through his entire inheritance and decides to go against his better judgement (and perhaps attraction) and find a rich woman to marry... and kill. He eventually finds and marries the extremely annoying (but insanely rich) Henrietta, who's played by the writer and director Elaine May. 

This is by far, Walter Matthau's greatest role. He plays the stuck up rich snob role perfectly. His total annoyance with everything, but mostly with Elaine May's hilariously annoying character, is brilliantly performed.

To me, this is a perfect film.

Unfortunately, almost nobody knows about this classic. The film was taken away from Elaine May during post-production and more than an hour of the film was cut, including an entire subplot with a blackmailer. And just like Elaine May's other films, The Heartbreak Kid and Ishtar (yes, really), it's been sadly under-seen and underrated by the majority. But, hopefully that'll change soon, when it's finally released on DVD and Blu-Ray... thanks again to the gods at Olive Films.

Since it's finally being released on a digital format, I hereby present to you the awesome original lobby cards from this amazing movie. Enjoy!

Record #72 ½ - Sleuth/The Heartbreak Kid (Radio Spots)

Last week, I shared with you the soundtrack for Elaine May's excellent film, The Heartbreak Kid. The day after that, my awesome co-worker and super cool filmmaker Dean saw today's item on eBay, and I immediately bought it. 

And, well, here you go.

Today's item is a one-sided 7" record of two (although it says there are three cuts) Radio Spots for a double feature of the 1972 films Sleuth and The Heartbreak Kid.

Back in the 1960s and 70s, most films were shown on a double bill. To promote showings of the films, they would send movie theaters these records, as well as pressbooks. Unlike the way films are promoted now, it would be completely up to the theater owners to purchase radio air time and newspaper ads to promote the showings.

I've already explained the greatness of The Heartbreak Kid to you, but unlike that film, I have never seen and have no idea what Sleuth is about.

Let's find out together!

Oh. So, it's a Michael Caine murder-mystery thingamajig. Huh. Watching this with The Heartbreak Kid seems like an odd double feature, but hey... what do I know? I guess I'll have to rent this one out from work and try it out as a double feature.

I'll get back to you on that...

In the meantime, check out the two Radio Spots for Sleuth and The Heartbreak Kid!

Download the Radio Spots HERE.

Enjoy!

Article #1968 - The SKIDOO Program

Today's magicalness is the movie program from the classic Otto Preminger film travesty Skidoo.

Skidoo has gone down in history as being one of the greatest bad movies of all time. It's hard to believe that such a weirdly terrible movie can exist, considering the cast and crew of the Otto Preminger film Skidoodaly-doodoodoooooo. 

Sorry. I went insane there for a second.

The film stars Jackie Gleason, Carol Channing, Frankie Avalon, Cesar Romero, Burgess Meredith, Frank Gorshin, Peter Lawford, Mickey Rooney, George Raft, John Phillip Law, Richard "Eegah!" Kiel, and Groucho Marx as a mob boss named GOD. It also features a groovy soundtrack by Harry Nilsson. Now, considering all that talent, especially almost all of the 60s Batman villains, you would expect a pretty great film, right? 

Well, sorry, but no.

You see, this is what happens when you hire old people to make a film about LSD.

Apparently though, Groucho Marx did drop some acid with Timothy Leary in preparation for his role in the film, which is kind of weird. I would love to be there and see what kind of quips he came up with while tripping. Must've been one hilarious party.

The movie is essentially one gigantic train wreck. Scene after scene, and line after line, it just keeps going and going and getting weirder and weirder. Right when you think it can't get any stranger, it laughs in your face and says "LOOK AT THIS AND DEAL WITH IT" and, well, you just can't look away.

Especially when Jackie Gleason trips on acid.

It is quite possibly the greatest scene in the history of film as we know it.

So here we come to the end, and I present to you the movie program from the film Skidoo and its run at the Alhambra theater in San Francisco. And it is pretty awesome, if I do say so my self. (And I do)

Enjoy! And anybody who don't like that, daddy, don't like chicken on Sunday!

Article #32127 - The Darkwing Duck Scripts (Part 4 of 4)

Well, here we are at the end of the Darkwing Duck script collection. Lucky for you, though, we have barely even scratched the surface of my Darkwing Duck collection! Oh yes.

Today's script is for one of the best episodes of the entire series, "The Darkwing Squad". In this episode, J. Gander Hooter decides that Darkwing needs to train S.H.U.S.H.'s best (aka nerdiest) agents to be more like the daringly dashing Darkwing. Of course, Gryzlikoff hates this idea, but if we let him be the boss of this whole operation, then we wouldn't have this episode, which would lead to not having this script, which would lead to not having this blog entry!

*GASP*

Thank God Gryzlikoff isn't in charge.

For the rest of the episode, while Darkwing trains the bumbling agents, the evil supervillian Steelbeak takes advantage of Gryzlikoff's anger at the situation to recruit him to F.O.W.L. for his prolific plot against humanity! Of course, then it's The Darkwing Squad to the rescue!

Oh, by the way, The Darkwing Squad contains Darkwing Donkey, Darkwing Dog, Darkwing Deer, and Darkwing Dodo.

Woo hoo!

Wait… that's DuckTales… Uh, LET'S GET DANGEROUS!!

Yeah, that's right.

Unfortunately, unlike Dirty Money, this script doesn't have a storybook based on it. Sadness. But, fortunately for us all, the episode is available on the second volume of Darkwing Duck DVDs. YIPEE!

Orrrrr you can watch it below!

Download the script for "The Darkwing Squad" HERE.

Enjoy!

Record #1970 - Paul Frees and the Poster People

Today's record is the musical/comedy album Paul Frees and the Poster People by the grooviest ghost host in the galaxy, Paul Frees! (Thank you, Captain Obvious)

Paul Frees was an amazing voice-over (and sometimes screen) actor who got his start, like most people of that time, in radio. He did a lot of announcing and narration, as well as voices on tons of anthology shows. He was excellent at impersonations (as you'll hear later), and was called on to do dubbing for certain films, sometimes completely replacing the whole dialogue!

He worked for most of the big studios, most famously doing the voice of Boris Badenov on Rocky & Bullwinkle, but his talents were utilized most often by Disney. He did voices for their films and TV shows, narrating the Man in Space series, The Nine Lives of Elfego Baca, and he also created the voice of Professor Ludwig Von Drake!

Disney Imagineering seems to love his voice, since he can be heard in pretty much every single early Disney attraction. He did voices for The Enchanted Tiki Room, Pirates of the Caribbean, Adventure Thru Inner Space (MAGNIFICATION), and his most popular, and my favorite, the Ghost Host of The Haunted Mansion.

He did write and direct one film himself -- "The Beatniks". It's… um… not very good… BUT it is entertaining enough to have been featured on one of the best episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, so it's got that going for it!

Now, on to the record!

What makes this record awesome to me, is that it includes two things that I love immensely -- 60s pop music and crazy celebrity impersonations. YES!

The whole thing is fun to listen to, but the highlights for me are definitely the W.C. Fields version of "Mama Told Me Not To Come", the Sidney Greenstreet version of "Sugar, Sugar" (like, the best song EVER), and the Peter Lorre version of "Hey Jude".

If you can't find this fun, then you obviously have no soul.

Now, if Iris will finally shut up, give it a listen, and enjoy Paul Frees and the Poster People!

Download the album HERE.

Article #32125 & 6 - The Darkwing Duck Scripts (Part 3 of 4) & Storybook

I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the script-owning scourge that squeegees my way into your soul! I am.... DARKWIIIIINNNNGGG DUCK!

Well, not really, but that was my half-assed attempt at being as awesome as the Darkwing Duck writers. Anywhoo, welcome to part THREE of my collection of Darkwing Duck scripts!

Today's script is entitled "Dirty Money" and features one of the rarest (and strangest) Darkwing Duck villains ever - the F.O.W.L. neat freak, Ammonia Pine. Puns are awesome.

In this episode, the evil Ammonia Pine (who turned to evil after "an accident with an experimental bathroom disinfectant") is breaking into banks, literally cleaning out the vaults by removing the ink off the dollar bills. Oh, and not even 10 pages in, and she sucks the head of S.H.U.S.H., J. Gander Hooter, up into her vacuum. I love it.

This, of course, leaves Gryzlikoff in charge, annoying Darkwing to no end - especially when Gryzlikoff runs him through an insane amount of "training". Cue the hilarious sitcom-type humor!

This episode was also turned into a kid's storybook, which I also own... obviously. The book has the slightly, yet completely different title of "Clean Money". Freakin' genius.

You can download the PDF of the "Dirty Money" script HERE.

This episode is available on Vol. 1 of the Darkwing Duck DVDs, ooooorrrrrrrrr you can watch it below!

Enjoy!

Record #57 - Zingers from the Hollywood Squares

There's no real way to describe Zingers from the Hollywood Squares. Just as the title says, it includes actual zingers from the Hollywood Squares TV show. You know, back in the early 1970s it was a novel idea to name an album, and then fill it with content that actually matches the title. It was a brilliant concept.

This album is pretty dang funny, and why shouldn't it be? Look at all the hilarious people that are on this thing!

You've got Paul Lynde (of course), Don Knotts, Dom Deluise, Sally Fields, Buddy Hackett, Mel Brooks, Rose Marie, Don Rickles, Harvey Korman, Vincent Price, Suzanne Pleshette, Burt Reynolds, and of course, Charo.

And what would a 1970s TV show be without Charo? Nothing, that's what!

Instead of watching the "New" Hollywood Squares (ugh), enjoy this audio recording of actual funny people doing what they do best (which is be funny, just in case you didn't know).

Download the album HERE.

Aaaaaannnnd, last but not least, check out this hilarious video of Paul Lynde doing the local weather in Toledo, Ohio!

Enjoy!

And don't forget, every time you order a McRib, a demon gets its horns.

Record #1968 - The Story of Blackbeard's Ghost

In honor of (almost) Halloween, today's record is the (sort of) Halloween-related album -- The Story of Blackbeard's Ghost, featuring Peter Ustinov. HEY! There's a ghost! Ghost = Halloween. Deal with it, you batty beatniks!

The film, Blackbeard's Ghost is probably my favorite Disney movie. It's just another movie that I absolutely love, but can't explain exactly why. It's definitely got something to do with the oddness of Peter Ustinov though...

Blackbeard's Ghost is the story of Steve, played by Dean Jones, who moves to the small town of Godolphin to become the new track coach at the college. When he arrives, he stumbles upon a charity auction to save Blackbeard's Inn (where he is staying) from an evil casino owner (are all casino owners evil, or is that just in the movies?). He ends up winning an antique bed warmer in the auction, but when he gets up to his room, he accidentally sits on it, breaking it in half. Inside, he finds an old book of magic spells that used to belong to Blackbeard's wife. He reads one of the spells, unknowingly conjuring up Blackbeard himself, played perfectly by Peter Ustinov. Because of the spell, Steve and Blackbeard are now bonded by magic, and Blackbeard will remain in limbo (and with Steve) until he completes one good deed. All the while, Steve tries to bring his losing track team to the top, and win over a psychology professor played by Suzanne Pleshette. Hilarity ensues. No, really. It does! I'm really not kidding this time! I swear! WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?!?

This movie is just crazy fun. Blackbeard is basically one very big, drunk kid who has fun using his invisibility just to screw around with people and make Dean Jones go insane.

As with most older Disney movies, this one has a story album. Since they obviously didn't have the option of releasing a VHS tape or a DVD of their movies for home, they would release these story albums, usually with an accompanying book, to keep the films in the kids' heads until they were re-released in theaters after a few years.

The Story of Blackbeard's Ghost is different from all the rest, as this one is not just narrated by some nameless, faceless, freaky, generic-y voice-over guy -- this is narrated by Peter Ustinov in character as Blackbeard! It is a little odd to listen to at times, especially when they use sound clips from the actual movie, but hearing Peter Ustinov narrate in character as our drunken friend Blackbeard is surely entertaining enough to keep your interest through the whole story!

Now, this film is available on DVD, but I warn you, the transfer is the most horrifyingly hideous DVD transfer I have ever seen. It really looks like they transfered a copy of the film that someone had forgotten under their couch for 40 years. To top it all off, it's not even framed right, and there is even a part where a talking character's face is only half visible on the screen! Stupid crappiness of the DVDness.

Blackbeard always smiles

before he kills someone for releasing

a bad DVD of a great movie.

Hopefully, the atrociousness of the DVD won't keep you from enjoying this record of The Story of Blackbeard's Ghost! Have fun, and... Arrrr! (That's Piratespeak for "Enjoy!")

Download the record HERE.

Record #604 - The Bob Crane/Pat Buttram Record

Today we've got a promotional compilation album of classic radio personalities Bob Crane and Pat Buttram entitled "Laffter Sweet and Profane". Alrighty then. As you most assuredly know, both of these guys went on to bigger careers, and I shall fill you in with all the Trivial Pursuit-ish information that you will never find any use for. After all, that's what this blog is all about. Duh.

Side one of this record is entitled "Extricated from a 5-Year Shambles Caused by Bob Crane". Now, this side is actually pretty entertaining. It's basically (well, exactly) a compilation of the best of Bob Crane's morning radio show. You get cigarette commercials, banter with the crazy co-hosts and producers, and the best part of the whole thing -- an improv scene with Jonathan Winters.

Bob Crane was, as you'll hear, a really superly duperly awesome radio show host. The format they used for the show was insanely ahead of its time, and that's probably why he was so popular. In fact, it was the number one rated morning show in Los Angeles and he was known as "The King of the Los Angeles Airwaves". Take THAT, whoever-the-heck-is-number-one-on-the-radio-now!

He was also an accomplished drummer, and sat in with many great jazz musicians on his show, as well as playing with them as the special guest drummer in club shows. Check out this video of him drumming along to "These Boots are Made for Walking" while some crazy dancers attempt to dance!!

Eventually he moved on from radio and into TV with spots on The Twilight Zone, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, and the Dick Van Dyke Show. This led to him starring as Col. Hogan on Hogan's Heroes, which was extremely popular and ran for 6 years.

Unfortunately, after Hogan's Heroes, he couldn't find too many jobs. He did become the star of a TV series called The Bob Crane Show (how the heck they came up with that brilliant title, I'll never know), but that only lasted one season. He did get some parts in a couple of the most obscure Disney movies, starring in "Superdad" and a cameo in "Gus" - a Don Knotts movie about a football-kicking mule. Yep, you read that right. The 70s weren't really a high point for Disney (minus the awesome Kurt Russell/Cesar Romero movie, "Now You See Him, Now You Don't"). Other than guest-starring bits on TV, he wasn't really able to find too much work, so he resorted to traveling around the country performing in dinner theaters.

On one of his dinner theater stints in Scottsdale, Arizona, he was murdered as he was sleeping in his hotel room - apparently being face-crushed by a camera tripod. The murder, which occurred wayyyyy back in 1978, is still unsolved. He supposedly led an (how do I say this politely…) interesting lifestyle in his later years. Yeah. Uh… just look it up... I won't go any further. This is a family blog, after all! His life is documented in the book and movie "Auto-Focus", and both are really awesome, if I do say so myself (and I do).

Now, away from the creepy, murdery, death stuff, and on to Pat Buttram!!

Side two of this record is entitled "Excerpted from the Triumphant Toastmaster of Pat Buttram". Of course everybody needs a toastmaster. One of the main ingredients of any good party is a toastmaster, and when your party is the Democratic or the Republican party or the Friars Club, you apparently hire puberty-voice himself, the triumphant toastmaster, Pat Buttram.

Now, as we said before, the title of this album is "Laffter Sweet and Profane". Unfortunately for Pat Buttram, there really isn't too much "laffter". It's definitely not sweet. Technically speaking, it's not very profane, either. This is just… odd, and maybe a little politically incorrect. His toasts (if you can even call them that) are sufficiently abundant of really, really, really corny jokes. Some almost as bad as those dreadful "Take my wife, please" jokes. By far the best part of this side of the record is towards the end when Jack Benny shows up for like 30 seconds. Oh wait, um… SPOILER AL… meh, who cares.

Pat Buttram (a man saddled with one of the most unfortunate last names of all time) was originally known as the sidekick to Roy Rogers, then later, Gene Autry. He moved into TV along with Gene Autry, and kept moving forward from there onto Green Acres as Mr. Haney. He was known for his voice that he described as "never quite made it through puberty".

Because of that crackly voice, he was often used in animated films, and especially a lot of Disney movies. He was the Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood, Chief in The Fox and the Hound, one of the bullets in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and my favorite (and his last role), the old Possum Park animatronic show presenter in A Goofy Movie.

Finally, we come to the end of a plentiferous plethora of useless information, and to the part where you can download the record. Have a grand old time!

Download it HERE.

And just because I love you, here's an educational short entitled "Patriotism" featuring America's greatest patriot, Bob Crane. Woo!!