Record #6,000,001 - The Six Million Dollar Man "4 Exciting Christmas Adventures"

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Today's record is the fantasmagicalistic Six Million Dollar Man record "4 Exciting Christmas Adventures"! Hooray!

So the 1970s were weird... obviously. The Six Million Dollar Man was insanely popular, so they merchandised the crap out of it. There are t-shirts, shoes, action figures, and yes, Christmas records.

I'd like to point out that none of these stories are exciting. But one has a stereotypical German guy named Fritz! So I guess that makes the record pay for itself.

One of my favorite things about this kind of story records, is to compensate for the lack of images, they have to describe everything. This would be nice, if it didn't mean Steve Austin didn't have to talk to himself all the time. It's super awkward.

Also, I'm about 3000% sure that Lee Majors is not doing the voice of the Six Million Dollar Man. Buuuuut I could be wrong.

Well, here you go. Enjoy the non-excitement of these 4 exciting Christmas Adventures... or else Santa Claus will kill you. And if he doesn't, I will.

Download the record HERE.

Record #1970 - Paul Frees and the Poster People

Today's record is the musical/comedy album Paul Frees and the Poster People by the grooviest ghost host in the galaxy, Paul Frees! (Thank you, Captain Obvious)

Paul Frees was an amazing voice-over (and sometimes screen) actor who got his start, like most people of that time, in radio. He did a lot of announcing and narration, as well as voices on tons of anthology shows. He was excellent at impersonations (as you'll hear later), and was called on to do dubbing for certain films, sometimes completely replacing the whole dialogue!

He worked for most of the big studios, most famously doing the voice of Boris Badenov on Rocky & Bullwinkle, but his talents were utilized most often by Disney. He did voices for their films and TV shows, narrating the Man in Space series, The Nine Lives of Elfego Baca, and he also created the voice of Professor Ludwig Von Drake!

Disney Imagineering seems to love his voice, since he can be heard in pretty much every single early Disney attraction. He did voices for The Enchanted Tiki Room, Pirates of the Caribbean, Adventure Thru Inner Space (MAGNIFICATION), and his most popular, and my favorite, the Ghost Host of The Haunted Mansion.

He did write and direct one film himself -- "The Beatniks". It's… um… not very good… BUT it is entertaining enough to have been featured on one of the best episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, so it's got that going for it!

Now, on to the record!

What makes this record awesome to me, is that it includes two things that I love immensely -- 60s pop music and crazy celebrity impersonations. YES!

The whole thing is fun to listen to, but the highlights for me are definitely the W.C. Fields version of "Mama Told Me Not To Come", the Sidney Greenstreet version of "Sugar, Sugar" (like, the best song EVER), and the Peter Lorre version of "Hey Jude".

If you can't find this fun, then you obviously have no soul.

Now, if Iris will finally shut up, give it a listen, and enjoy Paul Frees and the Poster People!

Download the album HERE.

Record #53 - The Story of The Love Bug

Today we've got another entry in the everlasting plethora of my Disney collection. Now, submitted for your approval, here is The Story of The Love Bug!

In the film The Love Bug, a washed-up race car driver, Jim Douglas and his pal Tennessee stumble upon a Volkswagen bug named Herbie in a fancy European car showroom, run by the horrible, evil, murdering, villainous monster El Guap… I mean, Mr. Thorndyke! Apparently this car has a mind of its own and follows Jim home! They discover that he is incredibly fast for a tiny car, purchase him from Mr. Thorndyke, and decide to enter him into a race! When Mr. Thorndyke hears of this, he decides that he wants Herbie back, and will do anything to make that happen! And, just as usual, hilarity ensues. God, I love that phrase.

The movie spawned four sequels (including the Lindsay Lohan one, yuck), as well as a 5-episode TV spin-off and a made-for-TV remake starring Bruce Campbell.

Oh, and it was the second highest grossing US film of 1969. Kablammo! Take that, Paint Your Wagon!

Now... onto the record!

Like the The Story of Blackbeard's Ghost before it, the album The Story of The Love Bug is narrated by a character from the movie. This time, it's narrated by Buddy Hackett as his character Tennessee! Although they are similar, it is very different from the Blackbeard's Ghost record, as this has newly recorded dialogue not performed by any of the other original actors from the film. Oh well. They can't all be winners.

Now, unlike the movie which is fun and hilarious, this record is kind of awkward and just plain weird. The guy who plays Dean Jones' character in the original film sounds nothing like him, and obviously doesn't get that the character is supposed to be a little neurotic. You know, kind of like every Dean Jones character.

In another odd choice, the guy who was cast as the villainous British guy Mr. Thorndyke was the super All-American Dallas McKennon. He is probably best known as the voice of the safety spiel on the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad Disney attraction, as well as Gumby and Pokey! In this record, he plays Mr. Thorndyke completely unlike David Tomlinson, and almost as a version of Dick Dastardly from Wacky Races. Although strange, it's kind of entertaining, considering this story has a lot of Wacky Races-esque situations.

Confusingly, the narration by the usually hyper and humorous Buddy Hackett is really really really really strange and kind of lethargic. It even borders along creepy at times. Especially the last line of the record. Sends shivers down my spine… blechhhh.

And last but not least, what would something from the 1960s be without some politically incorrect humor?! The portrayal of the Chinese character Mr. Woo, who ends up owning Herbie halfway through the story, is incredibly revolting, and probably pretty racist too. Eeeeek.

Now, onto the good, non-racisty stuff!!

One of the coolest things about these story records is that a handful of them include story books attached to them! The Story of The Love Bug is one of those, and has 11 pages full of super groovy art! It's bright and colorful, and does a great job capturing the scenes from the movie.

Now, please enjoy the laughter, love, and lexcitement (I couldn't think of another "L" word) of The Story of The Love Bug! And remember my friends, when buying a used car, always look under the hood for whipped cream.

*Sigh* I want a Herbie...

Download the album, along with all the storybook art HERE.

Record #57 - Zingers from the Hollywood Squares

There's no real way to describe Zingers from the Hollywood Squares. Just as the title says, it includes actual zingers from the Hollywood Squares TV show. You know, back in the early 1970s it was a novel idea to name an album, and then fill it with content that actually matches the title. It was a brilliant concept.

This album is pretty dang funny, and why shouldn't it be? Look at all the hilarious people that are on this thing!

You've got Paul Lynde (of course), Don Knotts, Dom Deluise, Sally Fields, Buddy Hackett, Mel Brooks, Rose Marie, Don Rickles, Harvey Korman, Vincent Price, Suzanne Pleshette, Burt Reynolds, and of course, Charo.

And what would a 1970s TV show be without Charo? Nothing, that's what!

Instead of watching the "New" Hollywood Squares (ugh), enjoy this audio recording of actual funny people doing what they do best (which is be funny, just in case you didn't know).

Download the album HERE.

Aaaaaannnnd, last but not least, check out this hilarious video of Paul Lynde doing the local weather in Toledo, Ohio!

Enjoy!

And don't forget, every time you order a McRib, a demon gets its horns.