The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 15 of 16)

We are ONE comic away from being done with these things, so be excited.

DO IT.

BE EXCITED, DANG IT!!

Okay, well since you're obviously not going to be excited we'll just get on with the program.

Today's fantastical comic stars the Wacky Racer Penelope Pitstop in the sad story "Soggy Setback".

So, Penelope and those 3 little tiny mobster guys are driving along and decide to stop at some random car wash in the middle of nowhere.

Hmm… seems legit.

As soon as they drive in, some weird purple guy wearing a mask and purple cape and hat slams the door, locking them in!

He turns on the faucet and laughs very Nelson-ish.

"GOODBYE, PESTS! HAW HAW!"

In the next panel, we see the four roadsters up to their legs in water.

Now here's where the story gets weird.

As the water is filling up the car wash, Penelope goes hysterical and says 5 words that make NO SENSE AT ALL --

"QUICK POCKETS CHUGGABOOMS

UNDERWATER ATTACHMENT"

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!?! Did she have a stroke?! 

I HAVE NEVER BEEN AS CONFUSED AS I AM RIGHT NOW.

Oh God, I don't even know if I can finish this...

I just have so many questions…

Okay, okay. I can do this. I can do this. Breathe, Jeremy. Breathe.

*Phew*

Well, after having some sort of demon possessed moment, Penelope hits the gas and KRAKs right through the door and over the weird purple guy.

As Penelope and the three mobster dudes drive away, the weird purple guy sits there and laments that "THE CLAW'S PLAN IS ALL WASHED UP!". Oh. I guess the weird purple guy's name is THE CLAW. Just erase the name "weird purple guy" up there and replace it with THE CLAW. That'll work. I'm too lazy to fix it. Blah.

CLICK on the photo(s) to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC PHOTO EMBIGGENER®.

Now, pass the Excedrin. My brain hurts. And I'm sure Penelope's does too.

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 14 of 16)

Since this is my 50th post, I'm feeling kind of lazy, so I'm going to do the bare minimum.

Hold onto your hats.

This is a comic. It has Mighty Mouse. It is called "Magnetic Personality". Oh, the fun.

Some mice are going to a picnic in a helicopter. Why? I don't know, and frankly, I don't want to know.

Some cat has a magnet and talks to himself.

Lightningy magnetism strikes the helicopter.

HUMMMMM

The cat uses the magnet to make the helicopter "COME TO PAPA".

I don't know how he knows evil is happening, but out of the blue (well, actually out of the green) Mighty Mouse comes to save the day by SNATCHing the magnet from the cat. 

The cat runs away and then WHOOSH, Mighty Mouse throws the magnet at the cat.

The magnet knocks the cat on the ground and pins him to the ground while stars and what appears to be a sparkler bounce on his brain barrier (his head).

The end.

Now, let's all join in a silent prayer to thank the sweet Lloyd that there are only 2 more of these crapfests left.

CLICK on the photo(s) to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC PHOTO EMBIGGENER®. 

Or don't. Whatever.

Don't enjoy this one.

Record #4569 - Aerobics USA

Today's record is the astronomically awesome Aerobics USA!

Aerobics USA is, in fact, created by Georgiana Liccione Stewart -- the same genius who brought us Disco For Kids. Remember how groovalicious Disco For Kids was?? Well, Aerobics USA is just about 2/3rds as awesome as that.

Unfortunately, Aerobics USA doesn't include not-disco-but-categorically-described-as-disco disco music. It does, however, include generic cover versions of generic 1980s pop-rock hits!

These hits include --

     • Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days", "Born to Run" and "Born in the USA"!

     • Phil Collins' "Separate Lives"!

     • David Bowie and Mick Jagger's "Dancing in the Streets"!

     • Giorgio Moroder's (WHO?!?) "Reach Out"!

and last, but certainly not least...

     • The Army's lousy commercial theme song "Be All That You Can Be"!

As you can plainly see, this is a great album. It's chock full of classic music, an overdose of Springsteen, creepy narration (CLAP!), and…

DANCE MOVES, CHARLIE!!

YES!!

I have never seen a more rigorous workout than that, and as far as I know, I never will.

This record, which also includes the instrumental versions on the flip side, is a sure fire way to keep in shape AND listen to popular music at the same time!

Keep rockin' your body!! YEAH!!

Download your Aerobics USA workout HERE.

Record #1987 - City of Crime (Theme from "Dragnet")

This is the blog -- Los Angeles, California. I write here. I carry a badge.

The article you are about to read is true. The names have been kept the same, because it would be less interesting if I changed them.

DUN DA DUNNNNNN DUN DA DUN DA DUNNNNN!!

In the late 1980s, someone had the bright idea to hire Dan Aykroyd to write and star in a comedy film based on the classic TV cop drama Dragnet. Since Jack Webb wasn't around, they cast Dan Aykroyd as Sgt. Joe Friday's nephew with the same name, and gave him a new sidekick named Pep Streebek, played by Tom Hanks. Yes, that Tom Hanks. The film also featured the original Bill Gannon from the 1960s series, Harry Morgan!

In the film, Captain Bill Gannon puts Sgt. Friday and Pep on the case of an evil cult that goes by the the awesome acronym P.A.G.A.N., which stands for "People Against Goodness And Normalcy". I seriously love that.

Now, to be honest, the film isn't so bad. In fact, it's quite funny. Dan Aykroyd does a pretty great Jack Webb impersonation, and Tom Hanks is just perfectly hilarious. Having the original Bill Gannon from the 60s TV show adds more hilarity, and there are some great supporting parts by Dabney Coleman as a Hugh Hefner-type and Christopher Plummer as a televangelist. It also has a great foul-mouthed cameo by the hilarious 1960s character actress Kathleen Freeman. It's just awesome.

By the way, I subscribe to the belief that Harry Morgan is one of the funniest people in the history of the universe. His voice and his delivery as the comic relief in the 1960s Dragnet have made me laugh harder than some comedians can.

I only have one problem with this film. It's also the problem I have with most films from the mid to late 80s. That problem is -- the use of crappy "rap" music.

Almost all of these late 1980s soundtracks include horrible "rap" songs.

Why? I have no clue.

This film is no exception.

Dragnet has a RAP THEME SONG performed by its stars Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks.

Yes.

I am completely serious.

See?

Although it may be pretty terrible, I have be honest, I have way too much fun listening to Academy Award® Winner Tom Hanks SCREAM his sweet flows at me.

THEY GOT THE GIRL ALL FRIGHTENED, THAT'S NOT NICE!!
I THINK SHE IS THE VICTIM OF A SACRIFICE!!

Good God, man. I can hear you just fine!

Well, here you go. Here is the original 5 MINUTE (HOLY cRAP!) rap theme song to the classic 1980s comedy Dragnet, as performed by Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks, from the original 12" single.

Download "City of Crime" HERE.

I leave you with this 1970s comedy sketch featuring Sgt. Joe Friday and Officer Bill Gannon interrogating comedy legend Jack Benny.

The blog you have just read is true. No names were changed, because no one is innocent.

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection (part 13 of 16)

 Okay. Here we go again. SLIDE COMICS. Oh come on, you know you love it.

Today's Give-a-Show stars those crazy carnivores Motormouse & Autocat in the profound potboiler "Oops!"

Autocat's NEW RADAR SUCTION HARPOOON IS READY! Yes! Finally! I mean, the 1970 model was great, but dang, this 1971 model sure is far out!

BEEP

Motormouse speeds on by on some sort of motorbikecycle!

ZZZT!

Then, Autocat who kind of resembles Heathcliff, sets his suction harpoon to retrieve anything on a motorcycle. YES! Finally, some action in these things.

KaBLOOEY

The suction harpoon explodes and flies across apartment buildings… and my favorite restaurant -- EAT!!

Looks like Autocat's caught something! He reeeeeeeels it in!

CRANK CRANK

"Oops!".

HEY!! THAT'S WHERE THE TITLE CAME FROM!! NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!! (No it doesn't)

BEEP (again)

Oh, hilarity ensued and Autocat has harpooned a police bike. HA.

As Autocat is hauled away to jail in a paddywagon, Motormouse ZOW's by just to taunt him.

So as we all can see, the exploits of Motormouse & Autocat are just a step below (or above, your pick) Tom & Jerry.

The end.