Article #3 - The "¡Three Amigos!" Screenplay

Today, we have the REVISED FIRST DRAFT Screenplay for the greatest comedy film of all time, ¡Three Amigos!.

¡Three Amigos! is by far the funniest and most quotable film of all time, ya son of a motherless goat. See? I just quoted it right there! This amazing film was directed by John Landis, and written by the one-time writing trio of the always hilarious Steve Martin, SNL Executive Producer Lorne Michaels, and songwriter Randy Newman. Yes, THAT Randy Newman.

¡Three Amigos! follows the storyline of three down-on-their-luck silent film actors - Lucky Day, Dusty Bottoms, and Ned Nederlander. When a village in Mexico is being terrorized by the infamous El Guapo, they call out to the Three Amgios, a group of actors, who have just lost their jobs at Goldsmith Pictures. Unfortunately for everyone, the villagers think they are real gunfighters, and the Amgios think it's "just another show". Hilarity ensues… and I'm not being facetious when I say that. And, like all great films, ¡Three Amigos! features guns, drunks, music, Mexicans, dancing, sweaters, an invisible swordsman, and of course, the singing bush!

This screenplay is a revised first draft, dated 7/18/85. Like most early drafts, this one features many differences from the released film, as well as some notations in the margins. For example - Dusty's name in this version is "Lester", there's an alternate opening scene, an alternate introduction for the Amigos (featuring the Amgios in the studio mansion), and a scene where the Amgios encounter Indians who bury them up to their necks in sand. For an Amigo nerd like me, this is Heaven.

I've always been disappointed that I've never been able to see these scenes that I'd always read about… but the wait might finally be over! This November, the Blu-Ray will be released, and according to John Landis, it will include a plethora of extra scenes!


***UPDATE***
The Blu-Ray DOES include the alternate opening scene as well as the alternate Amigo introduction and song! GO GET THE BLU-RAY NOW!!

So sit back, grab a bottle of Tequila (it's like beer!), and enjoy reading the original screenplay for "¡THREE AMIGOS!"

Download the PDF HERE, you scum-sucking pigs.

ENJOY, BUTTERCUPS!!

Article #457 - The Darkwing Duck Bus Sign

"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the batteries that are not included! I am Darkwiiiiiinnnng Duck!"

Today we have something extremely rare and super awesome - The Darkwing Duck Bus Sign.

As I've said before, I believe I have the world's largest Darkwing Duck collection, and if you don't believe me after seeing this, then you are in denial and must consult your local therapist.

Now if I know you (and I think I do), you must think I'm crazy because I own a bus sign. A Darkwing Duck bus sign, no less. But don't worry! As far as I know it was never actually ON a bus. So, maybe I'm not as insane as you may think. Or maybe I am...? Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNN. The plot thickens!

The thing that makes this so ultimately groovalicious to me though, is that it is a full size (5 feet x 2 feet) bus sign and signed by the voice of Darkwing and voice over god, Jim Cummings!

ENJOY!

CLICK on the photo to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC PHOTO EMBIGGENER®!!

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slides Collection (part 2 of 16)

Welcome to part 2 of my collection of the riveting Kenner Give-A-Show Slides.

Today, we have a "hilarious" Josie & The Pussycats comic entitled "Spellbound".

In this comedy of epic proportions, Sabrina the Teenage Witch's evil twin has infiltrated the comic world of Josie & The Pussycats, where she happens upon Josie flirting with Alan B! *GASP!*

Of course, since all evil teenage witches love buff, blonde guys, she gets jealous and decides to cast a spell to make Alan B fall in love with her. KER-ZAP!

In true Bewitched®-ish fashion, Alan B becomes enamored with a quarter he spots on the ground and bends over to pick it up, making the magical lighting bolt just miss his butt by inches, and mistakenly strike a construction worker driving a steamroller, who in turn falls in love with the evil Sabrina! ZORP!

As with all madly in love construction workers, he immediately abandons his still-rolling steamroller, which then flattens a brand new police car! SKRONCH!

This, of course, makes the policeman chase him while he chases after evil Sabrina, while hearts leak from his thick head.

In the end, we learn that using magic to make big, burly, blonde men fall in love with you is never a good idea.

Thank you, and good night!

CLICK on the photo(s) to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC PHOTO EMBIGGENER®!!

The Kenner Give-a-Show Slides Collection (part 1 of 16)

Today we've got the first of my collection of 16 Kenner Give-A-Show Slides.

If you don't know what a Give-A-Show Slide Projector is, then check this out...

Now, if you haven't already been scared away by the frightening chicken at the end of that commercial screaming "BY KENNER!!!", then you're gonna find the rest of this article pretty cool.

It seems like back in the late 60's, kids could be entertained by, well, pretty much anything -- especially awfully written comic strips of their favorite Hanna-Barbera and Warner Brothers cartoons being projected on their walls!

Today's comic (if you can even call it that) is the Space Kidettes in the hilariously punnified adventure titled "Bone-A-Fide Detective".

CLICK on the photo(s) to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC PHOTO EMBIGGENER®!!

Enjoy!

Book #1129 - The TV Facts Magazine

Today we've got an awesome TV Facts magazine from the week of November 29-December 5, 1981.

Yes, of course it's got Loni Anderson on the cover! Why wouldn't it?!

By far, my favorite thing about magazines from the past, are the advertisements. Like this one - an ad featuring EVA GABOR WIGS. God, I love wigs.

You know, every time I pick up an old magazine, I get annoyed with all the stuff that I missed.

Especially this one called Disneylandia. Apparently, it's an episode of the awesome Disneyland or Wonderful World of Color shows, in Spanish.

Now, knowing me, I'd totally be switching the channels during the Disneylandia commercials to try to multi-watch Happy Days Again, Laverne and Shirley and Friends, Hogan's Heroes, Tic Tac Dough, Match Game, and The Muppet Show. It'd be a tiring hour of television, but I think I could do it. And oh, how happy I would be!

Of course, we can't forget those late night movies. God, there are so many great movie listings in here, but one stands above the rest…

Yes! The epic Don Knotts and Tim Conway movie, "Private Eyes"!! Why can't TV be this awesome now? Sigh…

Well, if you're wondering where you can pick up a copy, well…

…or you can just download this awesome time capsule of television HERE.

Enjoy!