The ¡Three Amigos! Novelization

Hello there El Guapos and Guapettes, and welcome to today's post -- the ¡Three Amigos! novelization!

I don't have to tell you how much I love this film, since I'm sure you already know.

The novelization... well, not so much. It pretty much takes everything funny about the film and turns it into something like a depressing reenactment from America's Most Wanted. The jokes fall flat, the descriptions are terribly unpleasant, and for some reason they make Lucky Day a kind of abusive, self-centered jerk, which is kind of soul-crushing. 

One thing the author should be commended for though, is for doing the impossible -- making the "My Little Buttercup" song completely unbearable. Although, that's not really something to be proud of.

The best thing about this book (besides the photos) is the inclusion of a few of the deleted scenes in the story, including the introduction of the Amigos in the studio mansion and their interactions with their butler and maid. They also include the extended scene of the Amigos meeting with Harry Flugelman that's on the Blu-Ray which is pretty groovy, if you ask me.

Oddly, in the photos section of the book, they include a photo from a deleted scene that's not even represented in the book. It's a photo of Lucky and Ned tied to some sort of obscure torture device while Dusty shoots at what is apparently El Guapo.

Well, that's pretty much it. I'm not going to scan the entire book for you, because

     a) That'd take me a really long time.

     b) I don't feel like it.

     c) You can get the book for ONE PENNY on Amazon.com.

I did, however, scan the photo pages and, well, here they are.

CLICK on the photos to enable the ENLARGE-O-MATIC PHOTO EMBIGGENER®!!

A closer look at the photo from the deleted scene.

Have fun, I guess.

Article #3 - The "¡Three Amigos!" Screenplay

Today, we have the REVISED FIRST DRAFT Screenplay for the greatest comedy film of all time, ¡Three Amigos!.

¡Three Amigos! is by far the funniest and most quotable film of all time, ya son of a motherless goat. See? I just quoted it right there! This amazing film was directed by John Landis, and written by the one-time writing trio of the always hilarious Steve Martin, SNL Executive Producer Lorne Michaels, and songwriter Randy Newman. Yes, THAT Randy Newman.

¡Three Amigos! follows the storyline of three down-on-their-luck silent film actors - Lucky Day, Dusty Bottoms, and Ned Nederlander. When a village in Mexico is being terrorized by the infamous El Guapo, they call out to the Three Amgios, a group of actors, who have just lost their jobs at Goldsmith Pictures. Unfortunately for everyone, the villagers think they are real gunfighters, and the Amgios think it's "just another show". Hilarity ensues… and I'm not being facetious when I say that. And, like all great films, ¡Three Amigos! features guns, drunks, music, Mexicans, dancing, sweaters, an invisible swordsman, and of course, the singing bush!

This screenplay is a revised first draft, dated 7/18/85. Like most early drafts, this one features many differences from the released film, as well as some notations in the margins. For example - Dusty's name in this version is "Lester", there's an alternate opening scene, an alternate introduction for the Amigos (featuring the Amgios in the studio mansion), and a scene where the Amgios encounter Indians who bury them up to their necks in sand. For an Amigo nerd like me, this is Heaven.

I've always been disappointed that I've never been able to see these scenes that I'd always read about… but the wait might finally be over! This November, the Blu-Ray will be released, and according to John Landis, it will include a plethora of extra scenes!


***UPDATE***
The Blu-Ray DOES include the alternate opening scene as well as the alternate Amigo introduction and song! GO GET THE BLU-RAY NOW!!

So sit back, grab a bottle of Tequila (it's like beer!), and enjoy reading the original screenplay for "¡THREE AMIGOS!"

Download the PDF HERE, you scum-sucking pigs.

ENJOY, BUTTERCUPS!!