Article #318 - The Cat Jacket

This is the the "El Guapo" of cat jackets. The infamous cat jacket, if you will.

No, it is not a Cruella DeVille-esque cat fur jacket. That'd be creepy. Really creepy.

According to the tag on this jacket, it is made of a material called "Olefin Tyvek®". After much debating, carbon testing, and Googling, my hypothesis is that "Olefin Tyvek®" is really just wax paper. This thing is loud. Seriously, this jacket makes more sounds than that trash compactor in "Star Wars".

While cleaning out my awesome, hilarious, and odd Oma's (German for grandmother) house, we found this jacket. I don't ever remember seeing her wear it, and I don't remember ever seeing it before. One day it just appeared out of nowhere and I snatched it up before my mother could sneak it away to the Salvation Army.

As you can see in these lovely NYLON-esque photo shoots, this jacket is covered in cats, cats, and more cats. (CLICK on the photos to enable the "ENLARGE-O-MATIC™ PHOTO ENHANCER")

Although annoyingly loud, this jacket is rockin'. You can wear it on a first date. You can wear it to the prom. Permitted it is hipster-friendly, you can wear it to a show. Yes, my friends, you can even wear it just on a night on the town. It's just that cool. Imagine, if you will, all the great times you could have and all the great memories you will create just by wearing this amazing feline frockery.

MEOW! (that is catspeak for "Enjoy!")

Article #1985 - The Creepy Christmas Cards From The Dead Guy In The Freezer In "The Goonies"

The past two months have been crazy. I have survived a couple of Los Angeles earthquakes, a stolen iPhone 4G, Goth Day at Disneyland®, and the death of Corey Haim. So lay off me, jerks. Sheesh.

Anywhoo, While we're on the subject of Corey Haim, let's forget about him and talk about Corey Feldman aka Mouth aka That Metalhead Kid From The 'Burbs (my favorite Tom Hanks movie, mostly because it has Carrie Fisher in it... *drools*) aka Washed Up Child Actor Who Tried A Comeback With A Reality TV Show And Failed Miserably #854.

So, in 1985, while I was still in my mother's womb (okay, not really), my mom and dad went to go see The Goonies. I don't remember much, since I was still in hiding, but from what I do remember there were lots of children running around and cursing, Josh Brolin, pirates, Chunk making puke noises in a movie theater, "Hey you guyyyyyys!!", and Josh Brolin. Did I say Josh Brolin twice? I sure hope I did, because No Country For Old Men rules.

I'm sure you've seen the movie. If you haven't, then you are fired. Seriously. Get out of here. Really. Go. NOW.

Nah, I'm just spoofin' you.

So, there was this scene in the movie where Chunk (he's the fat kid, of course!) smells ice cream through a lead freezer door (just like all fat kids can), and opens it up and starts eating the ice cream and then a DEAD GUY FALLS ON HIM IN THE FREEZER.

That dead guy I just mentioned is the actual subject of this blog entry. Don't be fooled by all the talking I did up there. It's just filler. I feel the need to fill your minds with tons of empty knowledge that you'll never be able to use in your daily life! And THAT my friends, is my evil plan to conquer the world!!

So we come back to the dead guy from The Goonies, who was one of my dad's clients. My dad is a printer and printed his Christmas cards for him. Here we have two of the creepiest, weirdest, and just plain wrong Christmas cards I have ever seen in my life. I would like to thank my dad for not exposing these to me when I was a child.

Click the photos to enable the "ENLARGE-O-MATIC™ PHOTO ENHANCER"!!!

P.S. HERE he is in the freezer with Chunk.